For me it is a "silent night" -- in more ways than one.

I live alone in a small apartment for low-income senior citizens.  I do have children, but they live too far away to be able to visit; if I offer them to come see me just once, they say they have other plans.

I think it's because I'm older.  They don't want to have anything to do with me:  they claim they are too busy with their own lives.  Maybe so, but it wouldn't hurt to see their mother while she was still alive!

They have kids.  I never see my grandchildren.  I've only "met" them through pictures.  I have two grandsons and a granddaughter, but to me they're strangers:  I've never held them in my arms or gave them kisses or read them stories when they went to bed.

I am in my eighties, but I do pretty good, all things considering.  Most of my friends are either too sick or gone to meet their Maker.  Meanwile, I still keep plugging away as best as I can.  Arthritis slows me down some days as I struggle about on my cane (crutches on bad days), and if it's bad outside, I don't even venture out:  don't want to risk a broken hip, which would only incapacitate me further.

I do have friends here at the senior apartments where I live, but now that it's too cold out, I stay indoors.  Have had a rash of snowstorms lately; walking outside is too treacherous for me and a lot of my friends here, so we just stay put and sit by the heater to keep warm or putter around the apartment, trying to keep our bodies (and minds) occupied.

I do have the computer, though:  my computer is my window to the world.  I write poetry, so I go to different writing sites and put my work there.  I play the organ, and once a week, we have singalongs, where several of us get together and sing the great old songs of yore.  Now that it's Christmas, we sing the carols that we hold so dear in our hearts. 

We rely on public transportation or friends to drive us to doctor's appointments, a trip to the grocery store, or other errands; it's about the only time we get outdoors.  Otherwise, we stay here in our complex.

I sometimes get sad because my kids never come to see me; it would be nice to have Timmy, Jonah, or Erinn home for Christmas; it would especially be nice to see Coda, Wryan, or Tamantha.  As I said earlier, I have never met them and one of my dearest wishes is to hold them in my arms or read them stories when they go to bed.  I think that would be heavenly!

Christmas is a wonderful time of year for most people; to me, it brings sadness because it was five years ago when my Charlie went to his Heavenly Home.  He had a heart attack while eating supper, and he fell over and died before the ambulance even got to our apartment.  It was too late; he was deader'n dead, according to the paramedic guys.  He died about this time; Christmas is good, but it also brings back memories of Charlie dying, and I get depressed.

It's especially bad when I am by myself. 

Well, I am tearing up now as I think about Charlie, so I will go before I short out my computer keyboard.  I will write in here again; until later, this is Lydia saying so long!  I hope you will have a nicer Christmas than I will; Christmas brings me nothing but pain and heartache!

~Lydia Newhope.  :(