Jaylene Jones here. 

Yesterday I saw my baby boy, Roderick TaShawn, and my heart continues to break each and every time.  I know I have done him wrong by placing him in the home, but what choice do I have?  I'm a single mother trying to make it on her own, and I don't think I could handle taking care of him!

My son is brain damaged, blind, and is unable to do anything for himself.  He will more than likely remain like this for the rest of his life.  He has what is known as "shaken-baby syndrome".  My ex, TaShawn, shook him once too hard, once too many times, and he left my baby boy a vegetable. 

Angry?  You bet!  The motherfucker had no right to treat my child like this; because of it, my son no longer lives:  he is just barely existing.  What kind of life is that for an innocent little child??

TaShawn is in jail, which is right where he belongs.  He is looking for a very long time there, possibly as long as twenty years or more, for abuse allegations and bodily injury to a child, among other charges.  To be honest with you, I hope the motherfucker rots in jail; no, I hope he rots in hell for what he done to me and my baby boy!

Do I ever visit TaShawn at the jail house?  Hell, no!!  He is an animal; he has ceased to be human in my eyes.  Don't want to have anything more to do with him; he's already caused me more than enough grief in my life!  Don't need that any more!  No, ma'am!!

I'm just glad to be rid of the bastard.  I can now move on with my life and pray like thunder that I get Roderick back.  I miss him so much, but as I said earlier, I can't afford to take care of his medical needs, and I don't think I could ever do enough to make him happy or comfortable, so he, more or less, is stuck at the home!

I'm also glad I don't have any more children by TaShawn.  What's to say that TaShawn wouldn't treat 'em the same way he did Roderick?  Then I'd have a houseful of handicapped vegetables, and I would probably end up killin' em all, just to put 'em out of their misery.  Then I'd be the one who is in jail!

Besides Roderick, I do have an older child, a daughter named Je'neia Turquoise, but she live with her grandmother (my mama); she has full custody of her.  I see her maybe once or twice a year, like on her birthday or on Christmas.  I miss my baby girl so much!  Je'neia is five and is growing up so much! 

Her father is out of the picture too.  He done run off with another woman who was barely out of high school.  He was thirty five when Je'neia was born.  The woman he ran off with was seventeen, almost eighteen, just a baby.  He was old enough to be her father!

I have had it with men.  Have had two men in my life, but all they done is fuck my life up.  So I don't even bother with 'em any more. 

Je'neia knows she has a brother, but she never seen him.  Maybe one day I will take her to the home, so she can see/meet Roderick.  I bet she would love him as much as I do; I just wonder how she would accept him, knowing that he will never be able to play with her, read, write, walk, talk, run, or do anything a normal little boy would do.  Whenever I talk to her on the phone, I tell her about her brother all the time.

I talk to Je'neia on the phone every week and see her twice a year, as I just mentioned.  I miss Je'neia so much!

Well, I am crying yet again; when are theese godd*** tears ever gonna stop??  I don't think I will ever be happy again!

I will write in here again soon; please say some prayers for me!  I really could use a miracle touch from God, but I doubt He even cares for me!

~Jaylene Jones.  :( 

*to be continued.*