Ivalo, Finland, 14 February, 2010~

Dear Journal~

Terve!  Miita kuuluu?  Kiitos hyvaa!

Sari here.  Sorry for not writing; my MS has really been making itself known lately.  Besides the ever-present muscle spasms, weakness, and ongoing pain, my eyes have also been affected; some days I can't see more than 4 feet ahead of me.  I'm still terrified about being struck blind; it's one of my worst fears!

I know Erick and Birtta must miss their old mamma; they hang onto me as if they will never let go; they know mamma is sick, so they are doing their best to behave, which I appreciate.  Meanwhile, poor little Ilsa is too young to understand what is going on with mamma; she is too little.  I feel bad for her because I can't hold her or pick her up as often; I feel like I am cheating her out of being a good mother.

Nik, bless his heart, is acting as both mother and father while I lie in bed or try to get my stupid MS to calm down; if it isn't the MS, then it's my fibromyalgia.  We have still been going from doctor to doctor, trying to get answers as to how to stop the pain or weakness (or even my impending blindness) in its tracks.  It's a very scary time for me; I wish everything would just stop or go away!

Nik has gotten me some talking books.  They're okay, but personally, I'd rather read a book than to have someone read to me; yet with my eyes being so bad as of late, what am I to do?  We've also applied to increase my disability payments; so far, we've heard nothing from the government.  We are making it on what I get now (plus Nik works), so we don't have to worry about money (much).  God is getting us through these hard times.  We just have to learn to continue to lean on Him and trust in Him.

The Winter Olympics have started; they are being held in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.  So far, no medals for Finland, but the USA has four:  one gold, two silver, and a bronze (I think; not so sure on this).  I am happy for my American friends, but I pray and hope that Finland wins some medals (gold would be nice, but silver and bronze would be nice too; just as long as they don't give out any tin medals, I'll be okay with that!  :) ).

Unfortunately, though, tragedy struck the Olympics before the Opening Ceremonies even got started:  a luger from the Russian country of Georgia was killed during the last practice run; he ran his head into a unpadded pole when his sled crashed; he was gravely injured.  Paramedics and doctors tried to save his life, but to no avail:  he died.  He was only twenty one years old.  It is a very sad time for the Olympics, even with all the medals that will be awarded to the athletes.  The fact that an athlete was killed has cast a shadow over the Games.

My heart and prayers go out to this young athlete's family and friends.  Such a terrible event to have happen:  and just before the Games even got started!

I remember as a little girl, how I would dream of being in the Olympics myself, but then I was diagnosed with MS (and now fibromyalgia).  I used to ski like nobody's business; I was very good at it too.  I was even on the verge of getting myself a coach to help me train for the Olympics.  I've skied all my life; now those days are behind me, and it breaks my heart.  I miss schussing down the hill, with the wind rushing at my face; there isn't any feeling like it in the world!  When I skied, I was as free as a bird, and it felt like I was flying at times!

My husband and the two older children ski; I sometimes go with them to the ski area to watch; I enjoy myself, but it isn't the same.  I miss skiing terribly!

Today my family will go skiing while Ilsa and I watch from the lodge.  I enjoy these outings very much, but at the same time, I miss snow skiing, as I just said.  Every Olympic year I get sad as I reminiesce about skiing.

Maybe Erick or Birtta will end up becoming skiing champions and ski for the Finnish Olympic Team ...  It could happen; they really enjoy skiing!

It is still very cold (not to mention snowy) here in Finland, although today is sunny and pretty out.  That is why we are going out to the ski area near our place; we want to get out before yet another snow storm comes.  Speaking of snow, a lot of the US has had snow; even places that normally don't see snow have gotten snow.  This has been a very cold and hard winter for a good part of the world.

Well, it looks like my personal Finnish Ski Team is ready to hit the ski slopes, so I will go.  I will write in here again soon; until then, this is Sari saying Nakemiin!  Take care and God bless; pray that my MS straightens out, and especially pray that I don't go blind!!  I would greatly appreciate it!  Thanks in advance!

~Love, your friend in Finland, Sari Annike.  :(