'I might be dead' she said
'or just maybe not fully alive
I hate this in-between state.'
.
'Perhaps you are neither; I said
'perhaps you are just bored unto a numbness that feels like death.
Numb makes you want to react so you
overcompensate with a strained vivaciousness.'

'Yes that is it because' she said "I became "perky" and outgoing
which was just the opposite of what I actually felt
but I was very good at it and at times I would forget.
and think that "perky" was me.
That face would leave me especially at night
and I would begin to doubt again as to my true state,
dead, alive or in between.

'So what do you think is the thing to do? ' I said

'Well dead and perky is not something I now see is sustainable.
So bored is the face of my dilemma
and the cure for boredom is circumstance and clear goals
but I don't seem to have any that I can discern.

I don't seem to have any talent or passion which drives me forward.
I rise up only to fall back into the ditch
feeling phoney.

There is nothing which moves me.
What I am to do?
'Well' I said 'tell me about the boredom, its sounds interesting to me.'