If you think life for me has gotten easier, you're sadly mistaken. Things continue to run at an uneven keel here.
Still seeing my baby boy, Roderick TaShawn, at the home several days a week, trying to deal with the hospital (bills; I can't pay the bill; how often do I have to tell them that?? They keep calling!!), and getting to know my other child, who is here visiting me for Easter break (the only bright spot in my life).
Besides Roderick, I have Je'neia Turquoise, who is five and whip-smart. She is visiting me, and it is a joy getting to see her again. I last saw her on Christmas, three months ago. She has grown up so much and continues to astound me with her capabilities at so many things! Je'neia is absolutely beautiful!! She looks just like me when I was a little girl!
She saw her little brother at the home; I don't think she really understands what has happened to him, that Roderick wasn't always the way he is. She is sad that he can no longer walk, talk, or see; she does know something very bad happened to him, but as to what, that remains a mystery to her. Je'neia does love him, even in spite of his disabilities; I prefer that she does.
I wish I could have Je'neia here with me all the time, but my mama, she has full custody of her. I guess when I was with TaShawn and Roderick got hurt, the judge felt that Je'neia would be safer with her grandma than with me. Makes sense, but it doesn't make the pain of missing her any less. So when Je'neia is here, I make every moment spent with her count.
Roderick remains about the same: no real change in his condition. Still can't see, walk, talk, feed himself, or use the toilet on his own; still requires twenty-four hour medical care. I keep hoping for some miracle, that one day, Roderick will sit up, get up, and walk, and see my face. I know this won't be possible: too much damage to his body and brain. He will always be like the way he is; doctors have no real hope for him. It's very depressing, especially since I know the bastard who did this to him: my ex-boyfriend, TaShawn Kendall.
TaShawn is in jail, where he will be for the next twenty years or so; that is where he belongs, after what he did to me and my baby boy!
I have cut all ties with TaShawn; I don't want anything to do with him. He no longer exists in my eyes.
Meanwhile, I am trying to get Roderick back home with me or praying for a miracle, that he will be able to walk, see, talk, eat again!! I know doctors are skeptical about that, but I, as his mother, have hope for him, even with everything he's been through (or is going through)!
I am going to go to school; taking parenting classes. Maybe it will help me become a better mother, and hopefully, down the road, it will help me get my kids back. I'd also like to learn how to take care of Roderick's medical needs here at home, so he doesn't have to stay another day in that institution; an institution ain't no place for anyone, anyway, but especially a little baby boy who didn't ask to end up brain damaged!
I start the classes in June, a little less than two months from now. It's something my parole officer suggested, and I am going through with it. It will help me in the long run, and I pray that one day I get my kids back! That is my ultimate goal.
I want to be their momma again! I love and miss my kids so much!!
Well, I gotta go. I hear Je'neia bumpin' around; she must have woke up from her sleep. I will write in here again; please continue to pray for me and my kids, especially Roderick; he's the one who needs all the prayers! I would greatly appreciate it!
~Jaylene Jones. :(
*to be continued.*
