If there was any time I wanted to crawl underneath ar rock to hide, that time would be now.

I embarrassed myself yet again.  Embarrassed not only myself, but my girlfriend and her mother.  Basically, I told Mother that she looked like she had a dead rat sitting on top of her head.  (The woman had just gotten her hair cut and styled.)

This isn't the first time I have stuck my foot in my mouth:  I also used profane language in the middle of the church service when I was playing a handheld electronic game instead of listening to the preacher (I lost), and I fell during my cousin's wedding.  Fell head over heels down the church steps, landed right in the middle of a very prickly thorn bush.

Another time I was petting a cat, and I decided to wriggle my fingers in front of its face.  It bit me right on the finger.  Not a bad cut, but a cut, nevertheless, one that needed to be washed out with alcohol and antibiotic cream, or it owuld get infected.  (It did.  Had to go to the doctor's for that one; thought for a while my finger was going to fall off.)

People call me stupid, idiot, or moron all the time.  Maybe I was just born to attract the wrong kind of trouble.  I swear I must be related to Chicken Little or (God forbid!) Steve Urkel from "Family Matters".  Anything and everything that can possibly happen usually does.

I'm the type who can lock their keys in the car (while the car is running), or the type who goes to do a spectacular dive off the high board -- only to end up with the world's reddest belly from a failed belly flop.  Or the type who throws up in front of the class while attempting to give an oral report or ask a dumb question ("What is swiss cheese made out of?").

Let's face it:  I'm dumber than dumb.  I make "Dumb and Dumber" look like college-level geniuses!

Well, before I do any more damage, I'd best get out of here.  I will write in here again; hopefully by then I will have outgrown this geek state, because as for now, I am not going to get anywhere fast!