I wish I could do something to ease the ongoing nightmares that my husband, Hank, has been suffering for the past ten months. It is so hard to see him suffering and knowing that there isn't really much I can do to help him.
He is undergoing counseling, but I don't think it seems to be doing him any good. Just about every night, I am awakened in the middle of the night with his screams and yelling; one wonders what horrors he must have witnessed to cause him to react in such a violent way. Hank also cries and shakes uncontrollably during these outbursts, and it takes a good while for me to be able to calm him down.
My husband served for 5 years in the Marines. He was deployed to Iraq immediately after completing his three month basic training program at Camp Lejeune in North Carolina; he was there until just about a year and a half ago.
He came back a changed man.
I keep asking Hank to talk to me about what he experienced; instead he only clams up and/or snaps at me and the children. It is devastating to see him being so depressed and tortured with ongoing nightmares. It's getting to the point to where I or the children are afraid to say or do anything, for fear that he might go off on us as well.
My husband has not been able to work; he is currently trying to get a VA disability pension (but with little success). He is also attending the VA for counseling and ongoing medical care, but I don't really see it having any benefits on his nightmares or depressive state.
He is as sad now as he was when he first came home from Iraq.
The VA keeps giving him the runaround. He sees a different doctor every time he goes to his appointments, and they won't give him any pills to help him deal with the depression, nightmares, or ongoing pain (he had been shot in his right leg; he has a lot of shrapnel in his knee and it causes him to have trouble walking. He walks with a crutch attached to his forearm).
When Hank does ask for some relief from the pain in his leg, they basically tell him "he isn't hurting as much as he says he is; it's all in his head", leaving him feeling defeated and hopeless.
It is extremely frustrating.
I have gone with Hank to his appointments at the VA hospital, but no matter how much I argue and plead with them to help my husband, they turn a deaf ear and tell us to go home; there isn't anything they can do. Sometimes I get so mad I want nothing more than to reach across the desk from where I am sitting and just strangle the liver out of the doctor who is dealing with our case!
It's beyond ridiculous!!
Physically, my husband is home, but mentally, well, that is an entirely different story altogether: in a way, he is still fighting an ongoing war after the war. He is fighting a war in his head, and it is affecting just about every aspect of his life. I and the children are suffering (and fighting this war) right along with him.
*To be continued.*
