Synopsis: Fles and Illig two inter galactic alien researchers, sent down to Earth to find out what makes men tick. They have never before been let out of the research room of their planet, and are being used as a last resort because all the alien field agents are busy with other more important matters. Both brilliant researchers, Fles is the more reserved practical one. Filled with common sense and strength of purpose and duty. Fles never loses its cool and always thinks before responding to anything. Fles is always well prepared for any eventuality and always follows the rules and has a back-up plan. Illig on the other hand although probably the more brilliant alien and researcher, is a bit of a loose cannon. With a huge ego and a temper to match, Illig believes in taking shortcuts believing that the end justifies the means. They are being given one chance and despite their natural dislike for each other know that they are co-dependant to make this mission work. To make matters more difficult, the council of elders not trusting either one on their own has put them together in one human life form.
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And so the story begins:
It was quiet in the depths of the woods. No human or machine noises, just the sound of nature and the small burrowing creatures that thrived in the dark damp conditions. There was an old log that had fallen across a clearing. The wind in its merry voyage had blown before it an ever-growing force of leaves and forest debris that had when meeting the barrier of the log formed a small mound.
Leaves rustled and the mound stirred, sending myriad small chattering creatures running for safety. Out of the mound of leaves there arose a veritable Venus clad in body hugging black leather and high heeled boots! Tall & slender with a 42DD chest tiny waist legs reaching up to nowhere long blonde hair falling over her face and pouting juicy red lips. She shook the leaves from her body with vigour, looked out into the nothingness of the forest and with a breathy sigh said Hi big boy my name is Candy. With this she took a step forward and fell flat on her face!
Almost immediately a squabble gushed forth from her lips, two different voices arguing:
Fles>> you see I told you this was a stupid idea!
If we had to take the form of a female humanoid, should we not
Rather have chosen one with a more secure footing on terra firma?
Illig>> Well pardon me know it all! And I suppose you are the one
Who did all the light years of research into what really appeals to
This sub-creature called man? I had my orders you know!
Fles>> Oh and they were exactly what?
Illig>> To find the female human form that would most appeal to man
And to whom he would be the most susceptible, rendering him
Incapable of coherent thought thus preventing him from finding
Out about our true mission to Earth. This was the one that best
Met the criteria.
Fles>> But there were so many role models to choose from over the aeons
Of time, surely this over inflated proto-type was not the only
Option?
Illig>> Name some better ones?
Fles>> Well, Mother Theresa, Joan of Arc, Hillary Clinton, QE ll.
Margaret Thatcher.
Illig >> (With a snort of laughter) Well one can certainly see why you
Have never been invited to have your genes spliced in the mating
Pool!! We are talking about ones of the most basic life forms here
With minimal intelligence and guided by basic physical needs.
Intellect in a female is not a criteria. Anyway we did do dummy-
Runs with various proto-types and this was the one that worked
The best. Most men when coming into contact with her showed
An almost instant physical response that scrambled their thought
Processes long enough for us to pick their thoughts and extract
All the data we needed.
Fles>> So we are stuck with this model! (Sighing) oh well I suppose we
Had better make the most of it! We have got to practices how to
Work it though before we expose ourselves to any human contact.
Illig>> Lets first define our roles here and who is responsible for what
Ok? You are in charge of data retrieval, filing and storage only.
I am responsible for the appearance, movement, speech and
Maintenance of the proto-type, Now I would like you to occupy
Yourself with your job, whilst I practise the smooth operation of
This vessel. Now lets see, where did I put those bay-watch videos?
Deputy Dave Jenkins sets out to find the murderer of the local high school principal, aided by a voice from the grave that is sometimes helpful and sometimes misleading.
"Murder isn't usually this funny."
Amazon reviewer
