I don't know how God can love someone like me.

I mean, I am not worthy of His love, His mercy, or even His grace.

I have made some bad decisions in my life that cost me several jobs, such as my gambling habit.  Spent mosts of the money I earned at my last job as an airplane mechanic on the slot machines; to me weekends meant going to Las Vegas, and blowing my money, in the hopes of winning the big bucks.  Too often, I came up short, and I ended up having to make all sorts of excuses not to return to work because I didn't have the money for the airfare to come back home.

My gambling habit also cost me my wife and kids.  Sheila couldn't take it any more, so she took Brendan, Tiffany, and Ryan away, to live with her mother and father.  She filed for divorce, leaving me alone.

Besides gambling, I was into drugs.  Crack cocaine.  Somehow I felt I couldn't live without it, so nearly every night found me craving "the next big hit".  My mind became fuzzy, and I think this was what was leading me to make wrong decisions.  The one time I overdosed; ended up in the hospital with a tachycardic (rapid) heartrate.  I could have died had I taken just a few ounces more; my life was in danger.  I got out with a warning and a second chance at life.

I have been clean now from the drugs for the last six to nine months.  I am starting to try to get my life back on track.  It isn't easy, but I am trying.  I am going to church every week:  I am going to a friend's church; it is a spirit-filled, Bible believing nondenominational church.  It is becoming the highlight of my week.

While I haven't made the decision yet to follow Christ, I am becoming aware of His hold on my life.  After all, if it were not for him when I was so involved in my drug (and gambling) habit, I would not be here.  I give the Big Guy Upstairs all the credit for allowing me to live.  I just hope that I can gather enough courage to go to the altar to give my life to His Son, Jesus, and leave my old ways behind.  Life has gotta be better than the one I am currently living!

*to be continued.*