And it came to pass the next morning that Jesus was awakened to a smell that he had never smelt before, tantalizing, intoxicating, even tempting. He sat up and looked about him and saw all the disciples standing in a cluster around a small fire heatedly arguing. He walked up to them and when they noticed that Jesus was present, they all fell silent. Thaddeus stood with arms folded on the edge of the group close enough to listen, but far enough away to display his obvious displeasure.

 

There in their midst sat Mortar and Brick. Mortar was frying something in a pan, Brick was eating something in his mouth and his disciples looked expectantly to the Rabbi. 

 

And Peter spoke saying, “Master, good morning to you.”

 

“Good morning to you, Peter, and to the rest of you,” said Jesus. “What is the topic that has gained a hearing this early in the morning and in such vigorous tones?” And he looked back to the pan that Mortar was busily tending, and he added, “Son o’ man, that smells good!”

 

“That’s the problem,” said Peter. “It’s called… What’s it called again?”

 

Mortar looked up from his pan and said brightly, “It’s bacon! Ba-con. It’s part of a nutritious and delicious English breakfast.”

 

“It’s unclean,” cried Thaddeus, “and we can’t eat it without defiling ourselves!”

 

“Where did you get it?” asked Jesus.

 

“From them drowned swine. Such a waste of good meat! I fetched me out the lake a porker and dressed ‘im out and viola! Bacon!” said Mortar proudly.

 

The Rabbi rubbed his chin in a thoughtful way as the disciples watched for any sign of how he might pronounce.

 

“I got enough for everybody if Brick here don’t eat it all first,” said Mortar. “Please help yourself, Master.”

 

And Peter, trying to hurry matters along, put in, “I say we eat it.” And he sniffed, inhaling deeply in anticipation.

 

And the smell of the bacon entranced them all, even the reluctant ones. Even Thaddeus.

 

“No!” several of the others protested rather weakly, “It’s unclean. It’s against the law!”

 

And the smell! The smell of it was heavenly, you know, thick-sliced bacon cooked over a wood fire.

 

And the Rabbi, still rubbing his chin looked skyward and thought for a moment.

 

Did I tell you how good it smelled?

 

And then he sniffed, and then he smiled. And then he said, ” Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man.” (Matthew 15:11)

 

“Yes!” cried most of the disciples while at least one lapsed into sullen silence.

 

And the Rabbi speaking to all said, “Mortar, our laws forbid us to eat this meat.”

 

Mortar wrinkled his forehead at the disturbing thought of not eating bacon and he said wonderingly, “You mean to tell me you’ve never aten bacon?”

 

Jesus continued, “No, but I will not refuse your generous hospitality. Some, perhaps, can not eat, and they must be allowed to follow the dictates of their consciences.”

 

Mortar handed Jesus a rasher of perfectly fried bacon that he ate with a closed-mouth grin and closed eyes in epicurean ecstasy. Then Mortar served all the disciples, some of whom ate with trepidation, but most of whom ate with gusto.

 

And Brick said in a loud voice for the benefit of everyone, “Thaddeus, I stuck up for you yesterday.”

 

Thaddeus took the bait, “You stuck up for me?”

 

“Yes, someone, I don’t want to give the name, said you weren’t fit to eat with pigs!”

 

Thaddeus’ brow furrowed and his eyes narrowed, ready to take offense at this comment.

 

Then Brick delivered the punch line for all to hear, “But I said you were!”

 

The men laughed heartily over this while Thaddeus bit his tongue. He didn’t want to get into a verbal fray in front of the Rabbi, but he began to plot his revenge.

 

One disciple who shall remain nameless, broke off a small piece using a leaf to avoid actual contact with the bacon lest he become unclean, and pretended to touch his lips with the bacon. He feigned some chewing and said softly, “I don’t really like it. Would anyone like to have mine?” It was snatched from his hands before he finished his sentence.

 

Jesus had finished his bacon and it occurred to him that something was amiss. He made a point of looking around, searching for something, someone, and then he said loudly, “Has anyone seen Sweetness?”

 

“She’s not here,” mumbled Mortar without looking up.

 

“I wonder where she went,” said the Rabbi.

 

“Last night, I gave her her freedom,” said Mortar, still not looking up.

 

“Mortar, I’m so pleased with you. You’ve taken my words to heart and acted upon them!”

 

“Yes, well, once you’ve been a slave yourself, you understand these things,” said Mortar quietly.

 

“Bullshit!” One of the Dozen fake-coughed into his hand.

 

 But inside Mortar was annoyed with himself. He was annoyed with Jesus. And he did a very natural and human thing: he took it out on those closest to him, saying,

 

“Brick, you dumbass, get over here and clean these dishes.”