Fun and Serious Memories From Our Marriage, as well as Working Daily to Sustain and Enrich this Sacrament
When Maria and I got married 27+ years ago, we had our own “signatures” like most couples do in remembering something that happened at that event that most attendees probably never noticed. With all the preps that people make and with all the details involved in getting ready for a wedding, it is inevitable that something won't go as you planned it.
The late Fr. Harold Boggs SJ, who was the brother of the late LA Congressman Hale Boggs and the brother-in-law of former LA Congresswoman Lindy Boggs, was the priest who formally presided with another priest friend at our Sacrament of Matrimony in the summer of 1983 at the Most Holy Name of Jesus Catholic Church on St. Charles Avenue in New Orleans.
Fr. Boggs also provided us great input and premarital counseling, as we were in the normal throes of having “fallen in love” with each other and needed the reality check of discerning and discovering if we were actually capable of “being in love” with each other. We also benefited greatly from insights and sharing of Mack and Lorraine, a married couple Maria and I met with for about 7 sessions over the course of about 3 months prior to our wedding per the diocesan “Evenings for the Engaged” program.
How can we ever forget the Homily that Fr. Boggs gave us at our Wedding Mass that involved the 3 L's: Love, Loyalty and Laughter. As Fr. Boggs so wisely noted, for a marriage to grow and be sustainable, we need all three of those key components daily working in our committed lives. It is neat how Fr. Boggs used a similar metaphor for when he presided at my sister's wedding a year after Maria and I got married. He noted that you need 3 Bones to develop and enrich a marriage: the Backbone, the Wishbone and the Funny-bone!
One of the Bachelor Party carry-over gags that almost left a signature on our wedding was fortunately caught by Maria. Following the old “wives-tale” of not allowing any kind of direct contact (long before cell phones and computers) within 24 hours of the actual wedding by the parties involved, Maria somehow got someone to tell me about checking the bottom of my shoes.
Since Maria and I faced the altar at the proclamation of our vows to God, the priests and our wedding guests, that meant our backs would be facing the congregation at the beautiful Gothic styled Most Holy Name of Jesus Catholic Church on St. Charles Ave. in New Orleans. If I hadn't scratched off the bottom of my shoes before the wedding, they would have broadcast “HELP ME!” as “HE (Left) - LP (Right) was painted with white out on the heals and “M” (Left) and “E” (Right) on the other parts.
What Fr. Boggs and we forgot during the Wedding Mass that became our signatures was to do the lighting of the Marriage Candle, which entails each party taking a flame from our individual candle and jointly alighting our one united candle. So we just did that after the wedding was over, and that was captured on Kodak as if it had occurred at the right time.
Dr. John Fulwiler, the photographer for our wedding, actually was our indirect “matchmaker!” Maria and I met per our undergraduate social work consortium “Social Welfare” class that he taught at Xavier . So it was neat when we had found out that he did moonlighting as a photographer, and did a splendid job if I may say so myself! A subsequent class of John's that I took, “Intro to Gerontology,” helped me to formulate my own specialty in that field.
While not being specialized in marital therapy, it is amazing how “little things” can become big when not openly addressed. Right before we got married, I recall one of those inevitable communication conflicts that any couple can expect in the course of courtship and marriage.
As Maria and I were finalizing our wedding details not long before the event, I recalled one night when we left one another per an unresolved dispute. I had always loved Psalm 23, so I hoped to use it in our wedding. That night, when I told Maria about that, she noted that would be very difficult for her as that psalm was what had helped get her through the grief she had experienced over her father's death many years earlier. A clear line was drawn in the sand, and it almost looked like we weren't going to get married just because of the issue. How could that one mole be transformed into such a mountain?
A day later, when “cooler heads prevailed,” I realized that I certainly didn't want Psalm 23 to become our “swan song," so we found a way to work together and use another agreed upon tune. That example certainly reflected the daily “dying to self” that we all have had to experience at times in our lives, and that has been the glue for us in our marriage these past 27 + years.
On the light side – the “Laughter” and “Funny Bone” per Fr. Boggs, it is neat to know that Maria and I spent the first night of our honeymoon at a convent! Before heading back to San Diego, where we lived in the second half of my graduate school – and before heading to Hawaii for the remainder of our honeymoon, we stayed at the “Villa Convento,” formerly owned by the Ursuline Nuns! In walking distance from Arnaud's Restaurant, where we had dinner after our mid-day wedding, we had a very romantic setting that included our own French Quarter Courtyard.
In conclusion, there are many “signatures” that have been left per that indissoluble union which Maria and I made in 1983. What type of pens did we use when we signed the Marriage Covenant License? Permanent or Erasable ink? Only time, prayers, forgiveness, love and humility will tell.
Keith John Paul Horcasitas, LCSW, MHA, 1133 Knollhaven Drive, Baton Rouge, LA 70810, khorcasitas.yahoo.com, November 1, 2010.
This is a very sweet story about the love of two people in marriage. It shows the trials and happiness of a beginning marriage.
Staying in a convent? A bit strange. The metaphor at the bottom was beautiful "permanent or erasable ink" These are things to remember down the the road, and always hope for the permaanent ink.
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When Maria and I got married 27+ years ago, we had our own “signatures” like most couples do in remembering something that happened at that event that most attendees probably never noticed. With all the preps that people make and with all the details involved in getting ready for a wedding, it is inevitable that something won't go as you planned it.
