People don't know my husband nearly as well as I do.  I am his wife; been married to Ambrose Earl for over fifty years now.

My husband is a shell of his former self.  He used to be outgoing, spontanious, fun.  Now all he does is sit in his wheelchair and stare blankly out the window, his eyes and face mirroring pain and God knows what else.  He's been like this since coming back from the war in Vietnam; it hurts me to see him suffering like this.

Every week or so he goes to his appointments at the local VA hospital.  I go with him, to see if there is anything that can be done to help his sanity.  More often than not, I'm ripped from a good night's sleep by Ambrose screaming in Vietnamese or saying that the Commies are after him again.  It's horrible to have to see him acting like this!!

The doctors have given him all sorts of medications to try to ease his tortured mind, but all they do is make him sick to his stomach.  So he goes without taking them, and then his mind is all messed up.  Someone has to be with him at all times; there's no telling what Ambrose is capable of doing when I (or someone else) is not around to keep an eye on him.

It is obvious that my husband is suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome (PTSD), but the doctors at the VA say "all that he's going through, physical or otherwise, is all in his head".  They also say he is a drug addict because his arms are lined with track marks from repeated blood draws or IV sticks.  The only things he wants are: a.) relief from his trauma, and b.) relief from ongoing pain in his legs.  (My husband walks for short distances on a pair of crutches; otherwise, he sits in his wheelchair or lies in his bed.)

It is extremely frustrating.  People often don't understand why Ambrose is the way he is.  I tell him that he was in the war, and it  messed him up.  I don't like taking him out in public because there's no telling when he will have a panic attack or worse.  He can't go to parades or fireworks displays or air shows because all they do is bring back the sounds of war (or so he thinks), and he's doing all he can to find a place to hide, all the while, screaming his fool head off.

People then look at me like I'm the one doing this to Ambrose when it was the Vietnam War that messed up his mind like this.  No matter what I do or say, people say that I am abusing my husband or causing him undue torture.  It is enough to make me want to pack up, take Ambrose, and leave this godforsaken country because they sure ain't doing a godblessed thing for my Veteran husband!!

I wouldn't wish this kind of mental anguish on anybody!!  If they only knew what Ambrose went through in the war, maybe then they'd show a little compassion or concern whenever Ambrose has one of his spells or panic episodes!