Thelda here.  Thought I would update you on the lives of myself and my sister, Beatrice (Bea) ...

Things remain about the same.  I am still taking care of my sister, who is 20 years younger than I am.  My sister has numerous health problems and is bedridden.  She is also nonverbal: she cannot talk except to say one word, over and over again: "Sister, sister".  That's it.  She suffered a massive stroke several months back and is now paralyzed on her left side and is blind in her one eye.  It also left her unable to speak except for that one word.

I love my baby sister, don't get me wrong; but things would be a lot easier if I had some help.  I would call the state agencies, inquiring for some in-home health care for my sister, but that costs money, and when one is living on a small pension every month, it is way over my budget.  I cannot afford it.  So I do everything by myself.

I just wonder how long my own health is going to hold out.  What would happen to my sister if I became sick (God forbid!)?  I couldn't take care of her; I also wouldn't know where to begin in looking for a nursing facility for her!  Nursing homes are so expensive (hell, MEDICAL CARE, as a whole, is expensive) ...  So I am stuck.

I know my family must hate me because all my time is devoted in caring for Bea.  I hardly call or even visit them; if they want to see me, they have to come to ME because I cannot leave Bea's side, in case something were to happen.  So I'm in a Catch-22 situation.

My husband says he still loves me, but does he really??  I hardly talk to him anymore, and I don't know how long it's been since I actually slept in my own bed, in my own home; it's been over a year now.  It's as if we have become two complete strangers, even though I wear the wedding band on my finger that announces that I am, indeed, married.

I last saw my grandchildren at Christmas, and yet I couldn't really celebrate because during that festive time, Bea was in the hospital when she developed a blood clot in her lung.  Miraculously, she survived, but she was in the hospital until last week, so now she's extremely weakened.  And yet I have to be the one to do everything: I'm past the point of exhaustion, and it's getting to the point that where I even see her, all I want to do is throw up or take something and bash her head in, anything to put her out of her misery!!  I've got to get my life back!!

~To be continued.~