I know I will do something totally stupid, especially if there's a crowd present.  It never fails.

Just like the time when I got my head stuck in a fence at a party last summer.  It was stuck good: I couldn't have gotten out if I tried.  Dad ended up calling for the fire department; they had to saw part of the neighbor's fence so they could free me.  It was humiliating!

Or the time when I sang a solo.  Forgot the words; ended up making up some stupid stuff, and now I get teased about my disasterous singing debut.  (I will never make it to "American Idol" or "America's Got Talent", that is for darn sure!)

I don't know why I end up doing dumb things when people are around, but I do.  I guess I do it because I would like the attention, but you would think that my stupid brain would learn from past experiences and remind me not to do it.

Somehow I and my brain don't make the connection.  It's like I'm speaking English and it's speaking Greek or Inuit or some other weird, strange language!!

I have always been something of a klutz as it is; I just add to the fun when I embarrass myself (or others) with my dorky behavior!

The last embarrassing situation occurred at church.  My little kid brother threw up in the baptismal just as he was getting baptized.  There were a lot of people watching.  Needless to say, Pastor was not happy with my brother (or with my parents) for bringing him to church when he didn't feel good, but Peter was insistant that he go; he wanted to get baptised.  Oh, he did, alright: he also ended up baptizing the pastor when he puked all over him! 

It was disgusting!

We hardly go to church anymore.  We haven't been to church in about three weeks.  It doesn't look like we will go back anytime soon.  I know Pastor will say something about Peter and ask if he is still sick, and if he is, then it'd be best if mom and dad take him to see the doctor.

My parents did take Peter to the doctor the day after he got sick in the baptismal tank.  It turns out he had a stomach virus.

Thank God none of us got his crud, but he was sick for over two weeks.  He just got over it and he's due to go back to school on Monday.  He still has to take it easy and not eat anything greasy or spicy, or he could get sick again, since his stomach is still rather jumpy.

Still another time, we were at Cedar Point Amusement Park, and I was sitting on the bench, nursing an upset stomach after riding the Mantis stand-up roller coaster.  (I did NOT like it!)  I was watching the people walking by, and my dumb little brother said, really loud: "Mommy, that lady looks like she has five babies inside her belly!" (The lady was not pregnant; she was just very, very fat.)  The lady heard him and gave him a really nasty look.

This was when I wished the ground would just open up underneath me and swallow me whole.

The lady also told my parents to teach my brother some manners.  It was all I could do to prevent myself from laughing out loud or keep from strangling Peter with my bare hands.

So this is how life is for me.  If I had my druthers, I'd make like a hermit and live in a cave, where I wouldn't have to worry about being around people.  I don't know what it is about people, but I end up getting embarrassed beyond all get out, each and every time!!  It's about to drive me bat crazy!!