My name is DuWanna Grace Peabody.  I am in my forties, but there are days where I feel more like I'm in my eighties.

I live in Parkersburg, West Virginia, with my husband.  We don't have any children because it would have proved to be too risky for my health.  I have had rheumatoid arthritis since I was a little girl of ten; I have had to have many surgeries to replace worn out joints.  I had my first surgery at age 11, and I've had dozens more since then.

I can walk, but not well.  I use (forearm) crutches; for longer trips, I use my scooter or my electric wheelchair.  I try to go on despite the pain, but it isn't esay.  Some days the pain is all I can think about.

When I am having a flare, it's even worse.  On those "bad pain, flare days", I stay in bed, with the covers pulled over my head, and wishing for God to take me to Heaven, so I can end all this misery.  On days where I am having a flare, not only my joints hurt: the lining of my stomach, heart, and lungs do too, giving me bouts of nausea or stomach (or chest) pain, and I feel like I want to die.  I also have trouble with my eyes and it's hard to see (or even think) clearly.

My husband has been an angel through all my surgeries and/or hospital stays.  I don't know what I would do without him; he's been a godsend!  I just love him so much!

We tried to adopt a child, but the stupid adoption agency we were dealing with told us to our faces that we were "poor candidates" because I was disabled.  I was steamed!!  I've been too afraid to try again since, afraid of being told "no" all over again.  One heartbreak was more than enough, so we've remained childless to this very day.  

I may be disabled, but that doesn't mean I can't parent a child! Heck, I've seen plenty of people who have children who are disabled, and they seem to do very well!!

Anyway, back to my story.  I just wish people could accept me as a person who can do things for herself or think for herself instead of just assuming that because I happen to be physically disabled, that doesn't mean that my brain or mind is as well!!  I happen to be very smart, and I am capable of doing many things: it just takes me longer, and I do a lot of things sitting down!  And I can still walk (with help) for short trips; it's not like I'm glued to my chair (or scooter) all the time!!

Well, I've managed to bum myself out again, so I'm gonna lie down and feel sorry for myself.  Yep.  Flaring again; it's hard to write, and my eyes are starting to wig out on me again.  Gotta get some sleep (or at least some relief from this godawful pain)!!  Take care and say some prayers; pray the pain eases somewhat because I'm about to go out of my ever-lovin' mind!!!!

~DuWanna.  :(

To be continued.