I don't know what I am going to do ...

If I don't get the Kowalski Contract completed by tomorrow afternoon, I will probably end up getting fired from my job.  I have worked on it all weekend, and I am no closer in getting the task completed.  So many annoying variables, so many facts, figures, and what not ...  it's maddening!

Doesn't help that I have a family to take care of, including a wife who is bedridden from amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.  She cannot do much of anything except blink her eyes and lie there, waiting for me or our oldest son, Chadd, to help her with her care.  To alert us, she hits the baby monitor with a clumsy hand, and when the thing beeps or lights up, we have to do her bidding; she doesn't like to wait.

Then there are the kids.  Four of them, all strapping boys.  The oldest is fifteen, and he's eating us out of house and home.  He's only fifteen, but he is over six and a half foot tall; there's talk that he might be pushing seven foot by the time all his growing is said and done.  Next comes Colton, who is twelve, and is going to be tall as well: he easily towers over my wife, even if she could stand up.  After Colton and Chadd comes ten-year-old Caleb, who is into sports and horror television shows: the scarier they are, the better he likes them.

And then, finally, bringing up the rear, is six-year-old Cadyn Paul (C.P.), who is all angular limbs and gap-toothed smiles.  He's as eager and lively as a puppy.  He is too little to understand the implications of his mommy's illness; he doesn't understand that she can no longer play with him because her body doesn't work right anymore.  So innocent, so trusting.  It breaks my heart having to explain to him about mommy's illness and why she is the way she is.

I love my family, don't get me wrong, but dang, I wish things would get easier for us!  I would get some nurses to come help out with Alice, but that is expensive, and we'd be in the poor house faster than you can say jackrabbit.  So I do everything for her; have to, as she's my wife!  I promised her when we got married that I'd stick by her side, no matter what, and a little ol' disease like ALS ain't gonna diminish my love towards her!  No, siree!

I just gotta get this contract done, but I don't see how I am going to.  I have been up since two this morning working on the durn thing, and am no closer to getting it done.  Very frustrating!  Maybe when I least expect it, a light will click on, and then I will get it done, but right now, nothing.  It's like my brain is still in a fog.  I also worry about my wife, whether she is going to start choking again or have trouble breathing.  That's a new worry I have to think about, and that's scary because when the breathing goes, then death is surely innement.  I don't want to lose my wife; I am not ready for her to go yet!!  We still have plenty of good years together!!

Well, I gotta get back to this task at hand and see if I can figure out what I am doing wrong.  There has got to be something that's just not adding up.  Pray I get this contract completed, or else I'm out on my rear!  And right now, with Alice's medical needs and the needs of my boys, I cannot afford to be fired from my job!  Thanks in advance!