Mother is a shell of her former self.  She no longer recognizes anybody, even us, her very own family, even me, her daughter.  It's as if we are total strangers that she's never even seen before, even though we visit her as often as we can at the home where she now resides.

Mother is incapabble of caring for herself.  She has to be bathed, dressed, even fed and changed, as though she is a big infant in an elderly woman's body.  All she does is sit in her wheelchair and stare blankly at the world around her; it's as if she is in her own little world.  It is very disheartening to see the change in her.

We know Mother cannot help the way she is; it's the Alzheimer's disease that has done this to her.  We try to be patient with her or loving towards her, but it is hard when she cannot do a thing for herself.  Instead, strangers have to care for her and we try to help them whenever we visit her.  Whoever coined the phrase "the long goodbye" certainly was right on the money when they described what it is like for a person to have Alzheimer's disease.  It is a horrible thing for both victim and caregiver to have to experience!

Every time we see Mother at the nursing home, we work with her, to try to see if she can get some spark of recognition back in her diseased mind, but nothing.  All Mother does is sit there, slumped in her wheelchair, her eyes vacant, and drooling all over herself.  She has gotten awfully skinny, and there's talk of the possibility of having a feeding tube placed into her stomach or her nose.  Mother just isn't getting the needed nourishment.

We try to be positive whenever we see Mother, but every visit brings only more bad news.  It's getting to the point where we don't look forward to our visits because nothing ever changes.  It's getting to where I wish Mother would just hurry up and die because I can't deal with the suffering she has to endure any longer.  

We know the end is probably near for Mother.  While it is very hard to have to say goodbye to a loved one down the road, it just might be the easiest thing for us (and for her), beause it would mean that she would no longer suffer; she would finally be at peace.

~To be continued.~