People ask me all of the time how they can become mean or nasty.

Well, I'm sort of an expert at that.  I am known as a grinch.  Seems that the only person I care about happens to be myself.

I have had to become this way in order to survive.  I had a bad childhood and I had to fight tooth and nail to get out of it.  I went to college and fought hard to get the dream job I'd always wanted: to be a high-powered exectutive.  Now that I am there, there's no way in hell that I am going to back down.

First of all, you have to get a attitude, an attitude of "do it my way or else it's the highway".  Think of nobody but yourself.  Don't give a darn about other people.  Just think of how far you've come in life and let others know that the only two things matter: a.) your money, and b.) yourself.

Second, you buy yourself the biggest, fanciest car you can imagine (for me I drive a pearl grey Hummer H2; I also have a Lamborghini that I drive for special purposes), and buy a mansion in the rich part of town.  Let the bigwigs there know that you are "one of them" and that you intend on staying there as long as possible.

Third, you give all your money to worthy causes: namely your own.  Don't give a flying fig about the poor homeless bums you see on the street on your way to work.  Brush them off and pretend that they don't even exist.

Fourth, you don't care about how much money you spend on extravagent things to furnish your domicile.  As long as your home (or yard) looks good, then that should be a reflection on you to others.

Fifth, you attend as many private parties or functions as possible, parties or functions where the rich (and maybe famous) hang out.  Make a name for yourself in this town.  Paint the town red.  Let other people know in your "circle of friends" that you are well endowed and aren't afraid to flaunt your wealth.

And lastly, when it comes to holidays like Christmas, buy gifts for yourself or a few of your closest friends.  Don't donate to charities except to the Charity of Self. 

Those lessons will quickly turn you into a personafied Grinch-Meister. Guaranteed.  Then you will be included in my circle of friends, and I will do all I can to ensure that your Grinchly Nature remains strong and bearting not only on Christmas, but the whole year through!

Happy Grinching!