I have just realized something ...

I no longer feel that I am enjoying my acting/singing/dancing classes as much as I used to when I first started taking them.  If anything, they are becoming nothing but a chore for me.  I am so tired and stressed out about upcoming auditions I don't have time to think of anything else.

I suddenly feel as if my mom is pushing me.  After all, it was her idea in the first place that I got into acting/singing/dancing anyway.  What if I decided I no longer want to do it?  What if I decide that I want to be a normal little boy and have a life full of fun, fun like going swimming or playing b-ball with my friends?  I think that just because she wasn't successful at trying to become a star that she is pushing it on not only me, but my sister Britney and my brother Macaulay (Mac) instead.

I think that's sad.

It's no wonder why I am so upset lately.  I am up from the crack of dawn and oftentimes don't get into bed until 10/11 at night.  At some of those auditions, there are hundreds, no thousands of kids, trying out for the same part and besides, what chance do I really have against pros who have been doing it sine they were in diapers??  Not very much, I'm afraid:  I've only done it for four years.

I am tired, cranky, and downright exhausted.  All I want to do is crawl into my nice bed at home and sleep for a week instead of worrying whether I have a chance of making it.  That is no way for a kid to live!  It's no wonder so many chlid stars end up doing naughty things by the time they become grownups!  Their lives are so messed up and screwball it isn't a bit funny!  I don't want to end up like that!  I want to have a normal life just like any other kid!!

I don't know how I am going to tell Mother that I no longer want to dance, sing, or act except, perhaps, out of fun.  I want to be a normal kid and do normal kid things!

Just pray for me as I tell Mother about my feelings.  I just hope she doesn't blow a gasket!  If Brittie and Mac want to do it, then they can, but as for me, I don't.  I want to have a life!!

~To be continued.~