Journeyman

To D.T., for always believing in me as a writer.

I

The sweet aroma that smelled like a cigar filled the air. The scent was coming from the Alpena Hardboard Facility. It is an abitibi factory in Alpena, Michigan. When you think of Alpena, you think of this smell. Roger took a big whiff of the sweet odor. Luckily, the wind in the air was good so he could smell the sweetness instead of rotten eggs.

Roger sat on a chair near his tent and jots his current thoughts down in a fancy spiral journal that is in his lap. The front of the journal was lightly tanned, with a glued on picture of the globe (North and South America) as the centerpiece. Inside the journal, there are cardboard dividers within every 18-pages. On the cardboard dividers are various quotes in Spanish. The bonfire blazed light for him to see. His tent was in the backyard of some local on Long Lake Road.

Roger quit his job last year, and decided to do the insane. He decided to venture across the country by foot. Many people have tried to do that, with the objective of a destination in mind. Roger was not interested in the destination, simply because he had none. He was interested in the journey of it. He started in Orlando, Florida, and walked straight up to where he was now. Many people have asked him why he was doing it. His response was usually the same.

It's not for a cause or to break a record or anything. I am doing it for, well, the hell of it. I am doing it just to do it.

A guy walking across the country for the hell of it is headline news for a week. By the second week, it gets pushed to page two. On a slow news week, it might get a mention again in the lifestyles section. In a sense, he sort of faded away, but he did not mind it. There was more important news out there anyway. Japan's devastation, gas prices, the downfall of Charlie Sheen, Bin Laden's demise. But through it all Roger was still out there, walking for no cause. Or was there?

Roger was 30 years old when he decided to abandon his old life, and make a new one. But what made him decide? What motivated him? What kicked him in high gear? What made him tick? What drove him to the edge? If he mentioned to anyone that it all started with a woman, people would laugh in his face. Behind his new life he created, it secretly all began with the woman he loved. An engagement that was more engaging than meant and the lust for another he thought he loved, but somehow slipped away. He knew it seemed so stereotypical no one would believe him, but the real truth is scarier than fiction.

II

Once upon a time, guy meets girl. They start dating. They see each other everyday, without a break. They fall in love. Guy and girl move into an apartment a few months later. They seem okay at first. Some rocky moments from time to time, but they both worked it out (or, as it seemed). A year after their first date, guy proposed to girl. Girl said yes. You would think they would prosper within. But soon after, conflict arises with soon-to-be groom and bride. Friends and family on both sides wanted to influence their relationship. Differences in finances also played a factor to the inevitable breakup.

The aftermath was bitter on both ends with battle of the wits online, but the truth is far from what has been told. If there is one word that can describe the short-lived pairing is codependency.

From Roger's journal.

Entry 57

So here I am, sitting in some guy's backyard in the outskirts of Lexington, Kentucky. His name is Fred, and he felt compelled to let me crash in his extra guestroom. He and his wife, Laurie, even treated me to a nice home-cooked meal, and it was a treat indeed. Hamburger steak. Mashed potatoes and gravy. Corn. Mmmm! Nice folks, I must say! After din-din, I did some reading. I picked up a few cheap books from a used bookstore called Novel-ties before I arrived here. The few books I bought were Stephen King's/ Peter Straub's The Talisman (perfect for my journey), Ozzy Osborune's I am Ozzy (guilty pleasure), and Peter Nabokov's Native American Testimony. I plan on reading that last one next as soon as I am done with the one book everyone keeps on talking about. The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne. The basic idea is very simple, and to be honest, simple-minded.

If you attract good things in your mind, good things will happen in your life. If you attract bad things in your mind, bad things will happen. It's pretty much your straightforward inspirational bullshit book. But what I did find fascinating is how it parallels to my life. I was so negative about Sofi, that I never took it into a positive. And because I kept on manifesting negative thoughts, it ended up bouncing into my life. As soon as I realized that I needed to move on, I ended up settling down with the first personthat came into view. Everything was rushed, and let's be honest here – we weren't a good match. We differed on money. Our families clashed. We didn't care for each other's friends. She was clingy. I was more independent. She thrived on materialistic stuff. I bought into it, and into her.

The breakup wasn't fun either (I can still see that dreadful letter she wrote to the apartment complex, just so she can avoid shelling out half of her rent – that's like walking out of a restaurant after ordering/eating the most expensive item on the menu without paying for it!) And the sad thing is, I never really had any closure with what had happened. With what's her name, and using "The Secret", I did all that I could with the situation and even though it didn't pan out, the experience was worth the hassle. But with Sofi…

…Sofi…I wish…I want…I keep on going back to it…to her…to the reason why I am doing this…Sofi…

III

Roger was a highly respected guest service manager for Walt Disney World. He worked in Animal Kingdom custodial. He was happy where he was in the company. He had his hobby (which was freelance writing). He wrote for Eyes & Ears on occasion, which was a monthly publication Walt Disney World had for its cast members. His world, however, was about to shift.

You may have remembered on the news a while back about managers being laid off at Walt Disney World. Lots of nervous murmuring was going around backstage. Even Roger felt the magical nerves going up and down.

When Roger was notified that he had to see his boss, his nerves were at 11, and it only goes up to 10! He walked in, sat down and after five minutes, got up, and walked out with an awkward smile on his face. Instead of a pink slip, he got transferred to his old location he had when he was once a College Program intern (CP for short), at EPCOT's World Showcase, with a new job title as Area Manager instead of Guest Service.

As he arrived at the backstage gate to EPCOT, old memories started to emerge in his head. Memories of being a custodian. He got to his office, and sat there in disbelief that he was here. Sure he wanted it. Sure he applied for it a while ago. Sure, he felt somewhat accomplished. But he had a very weird feeling, you know? The person that sat in the chair he was sitting in previously belonged to a person he very much respected/admired/and loved years ago; a person that looked after him when he was just a helpless CP. Her name was Lisbeth, and she was his mentor at Disney.

She was let go, and he took over her job. He felt very uneasy about that, but did not let anyone know it. This was his secret, and he locked it up safe and sound, along with his love for Sofi.

From Roger's journal.

Entry 15.

I've been thinking about Lisbeth lately. I was sitting at a park bench somewhere along the border of Georgia, with my stuff next to me. I noticed a guy was sweeping the ground with a broom and dustpan. For many people, this guy is invisible in the world. I suspect the only time he isn't invisible, is when someone needs to know where the closest bathroom is. That invisible guy holds vital information that is truly life or death. And I am sure, after this vital piece of information is passed along; the person whose bladder is about to explode shows no sign of gratitude. I am also very sure that this guy doesn't hear the words, 'THANK YOU', as often as he should. He is keeping the park clean, picking up after slobs that feel entitled to destroy earth, one McDonald's wrapper at a time. I instantly got up, dragged my stuff along with me, and approached the guy cleaning up. I tell him without even asking him something first, 'THANK YOU KIND SIR FOR YOUR DILIGENCE IN KEEPING THIS BEAUTIFUL PARK CLEAN'.

The guy looked at me like I was about to rob him or something. He steps back, andsees that I am actually sincere here. He almost starts to get misty, but instead, takes the broom that is in his right hand and holds it with his left hand. He then extends his right hand, wanting me to shake it. So I do. A friendly exchange is made. In fact, I am sure – very sure, I made his day. I walked away. He went back to his sweeping.

Years ago, Lisbeth was sitting with us CPs during lunch, telling us the value of thanking someone after an exchange of service, or after you witness someone else working hard (especially those that are in the cleaning service). In fact, I remember her words were – "whatever you do in life, whether you are going to be the next lawyer, writer, or president - don't ever forget where you came from, and don't ever forget to show gratitude any chance you get." That has stayed with me ever since.

I hope I've made her proud.

IV

A few months passed since Roger took the Area Manager job at EPCOT. He showed no dislike among anyone. In fact, he seemed like he was enjoying it. But he knew the kind of person his successor was. And he knew some people felt it was unfair the turn of events that occurred. He was one of them. He kept that to himself, of course. As he walked around World Showcase one day, seeing the old sights, he was having memories resurface to come back and haunt him. A feeling of lost love knocked him across the head with full force. What hit Roger hard was his love that he lost: the one that got away.

V

Once upon a time, long before guy meets girl and then gets divorced before they even get married, young guy meets young gal at Disney World. Young guy is American. Young gal is Argentinean. They both work with each other, and were sort of seeing different people. Those people went back home and young guy and young gal were left picking up the pieces. They both went to each other for comfort, but it was not anything physical. They were just friends. They started seeing each other on a daily basis, going to the parks together and such. But young guy started developing feelings for young gal. Young gal's different outlook on life changed young guy in ways young guy did not realized until young guy became guy, who meets girl, who becomes ex.

Young gal knows how young guy feels about her, and although she does not feel the same (at that time, at least), she is touched by him. And there were a few magical moments where she even kissed him by surprise. Each and every time she kissed him, his heart started beating to The Beatles 'In My Life'. Roger could hear John Lennon singing as lips locked.

From Roger's journal.

Entry 42.

I had Quizno's the other day at some small town (for the life of me, I can't recall the name of it) in Tennessee. I had my regular sub: Chicken Carbonara, on wheat with their exclusive Chili sauce, and some banana peppers for a real kick. Anyway, that was the first time I've had Quizno's in a very long time. It seems every Quizno's look like the same, and every time I go into Quizno's, I think of Sofi, and the last day we saw each other. Sofi is my greatest inspiration. And I although I can ramble on and on about her (in fact, I can probably fill this entire journal up about her), let me just get this out of the way – she is my beautiful angel.

She is lightly tanned, exotic, and is just perfect. She is unlike any American girl out there. Doesn't look down at her cell phone every few seconds (but rather looks up, and respects everyone around her). In fact, she doesn't value a cell phone like Americans do, nor does she value a credit card like some people I can name. Instead, she values the human condition, something she taught me and somehow, I lost it and regained it within a single year.

It has been a long time since I heard her sexy voice, but I can still remember what her voice sounds like through memory. I can still hear her say, 'Te amo, Roger', which is the strongest way to express 'I love you' in Spanish. I can still picture her in my mind, with glasses on and kindness to spare. Ever since I met her, she brought light into my dark world with her own culture. She showed me different things I was accustomed to, that I never realized how superficial they were. And I think it took the hell I went through with what's-her-name, to realize how important Sofi was/is/and will always be to me.

I remember our last day together. It was March 6th. We spent the entire day together, and even ate at Quizno's. That night, I dropped her off a few blocks from her apartment. It was raining. She looked at me, matching her tear stained face with mine. Fresh tears were starting to fall down her face. We kissed. Fresh tears started falling down my face. Rain drops can be heard, hitting the vehicle in all spots. The rain matched our feelings perfectly. She got out. She didn't want to draw it out any further. She walked toward her apartment, and that was it. That was the last time I saw her in person.

In a sense, what we had was nothing more than a fling – like a summer romance that begins and ends with a sunset. So why can't I let her go in my heart, I wonder? Why has she made the most impact out of everyone I had a thing for/with? I can't answer that. But what I can answer, why things didn't work out?

Because I didn't deserve her.

Roger was pretty hard on himself over the years with what had happened between them. He often wondered what life would be like if events were slightly different. But it always roll back to what was, instead of what he wished it to be, which ultimately is his own selfish desires…

VI

Sofi went back home, as Roger stayed at Disney a little bit longer. During that duration, they both kept communicating with each other through social networks. One random night at one random time, Sofi messaged Roger with something so jaw dropping, Roger had to reread it several times just to make sure what he was reading was exactly what he was reading.

What can I say... this is the most weirdest/strangest experience I've been through... it's romantic, and special, and hard, and painful, and I could keep on writing more and more adjectives but does it make any sense to do that? I don't know... I don't know what my feelings are. Maybe it's a deep love and sense of caring that evolved into love? Maybe it's a deep love and sense of caring that is a true friendship? I can't tell... and it's really hard to clarify it being so far away... there's only one thing I can say for sure: what I feel is something certainly good... and pure, and nice. What do I call it? Who knows?

Anyway, no one ever before valued me so much and was so persistent in trying to get to my heart. And maybe that's why I feel like this... you tried so hard that you finally got to my heart in a way where limits between friendship and love are not so clear.

te amo Roger.

And from that moment on, an online romance was blooming like a spring flower. But spring flowers do not last year round, do they? After all, this is not a Disney fairly tale.

As Roger went back home, and as they both were communicating with each other daily, they did not realize the full scale of conflicts that would come up with keeping a long distance relationship going. For a while though, they ignored the conflicts and got caught up in the romance. They were able to hear each other talk on skype. For a while, it was great, until Sofi noticed some distance from Roger. Truth was, Roger did not have the same level of attention for Sofl as Sofi did for Roger.

Sofi had a lot going for her: school, plans, future, and so forth. Roger, well, did not. He did not even take his writing serious. Sofi wanted him to keep writing, as she believed Roger was at his best when writing. Instead, he neglected his ambition and got a job at a local grocery store. He also had no ambition to visit Sofi in the near/distant future. Sofi tried so hard to convince Roger to save up his money and come to Argentina. Roger wanted to, but gave every cop-out in the book, expense being one of them. The reality started to set-in. Sofi knew things would not work out sooner than Roger did. But before she made any sudden decisions, she mailed him a care-package for his birthday (which took a month to ship given the distance). Included with the package was a spiral journal with empty pages. The front cover had a picture of a globe. The back of it read:

Any writer or whoever considers themselves one, needs at least two things to be able to do what they love the most, write. Those things are: something to write on, and even more important than that, INSPIRATION. So carry this with you and let me be your inspiration, cause you already are mine. – Love ya, Sofi

Two weeks later, their romance ended, as well as his inspiration. He did not handle it well, and was a complete jerk to her online as a result of his mix emotions (things have not really been the same between them since then). But the truth is he knew deep down inside, she was completely right. They wanted to keep a flame last as long as they could with a wax-less candle. The distance between them, the obstacles ahead, it was evident it just was not meant to be.

To get his mind off Sofi, he tried to settle down with the first person that showed an interest. Within a year, he fell in and out of love, which passes off nowadays as Cliff Notes for reference on what NOT to do. A few months later, Roger decided to move back to Florida with very little money and no place to stay. He crashed at a friend's place until he got steady income. Once he did, he got an apartment nearby. He got rehired at Disney, and climbed the Mickey ladder step-by-step. The rest is history…

VII

Roger stood there at the edge of Showcase Plaza streets, looking across World Showcase lagoon. The ripples in the water grabbed his attention. He then started having images of Sofi's beautiful face in the water. He then looked away. He turned around and looked at the Showcase plaza streets. A guest approached him, and asked where Canada was located. He pointed to his left. He then took a big deep breath. He started walking toward that direction. He walked through Canada, and headed toward UK streets. He then stopped.

Roger remembered helping Sofi in these streets once, remembered her kiss backstage, and remembered the feeling he got every time he saw her. He remembered the conversations he had with her, ranging everything from religion to her country, to his writing ambition. He remembered taking her to the hospital one night over an emergency she had, and waiting in the lobby of Florida Hospital Celebration Health on U.S.192 for a couple of hours. He remembered the meal she made him the next day, showing gratitude.

One of his favorite memories of her was when he would hang out with her and her friends either at her apartment or at one of the parks. Her and her amigos would all speak in Spanish. He had no idea what they would be talking about. Sofi would look at Roger, smile, and repeat everything in English so Roger would be included in the conversation. Sofi really was the definition of what, heart of gold, means. Sofi had that special attention to people's needs without being asked. Whether it was her upbringing, or her culture, or just her nature, Roger really looked up to Sofi to what kind of person he strives to be in life. It goes beyond their short-lived romance.

Roger stood at the border of Canada/UK at World Showcase and sighed. He was happy he was finally here, but felt incomplete. All these old memories have left him uneasy. He was numb with mixed emotions. He wanted to be here, but wanted Sofi more. But she moved on with her life. Sofi found a suitor best for her, and she is living life to the fullest. Most of all, she was happy, at least her pictures online indicated so. Roger was not so happy. He needed SOMETHING to make him happy again. He did not need another somebody. He needed something. He needed his inspiration back.

That night out of shits and giggles, Roger went through his old Disney things he kept from the CP days. Sofi's gifts were placed with his Disney stuff. He stumbled upon Sofi's note she wrote on her last day at Disney.

I hope you get really far and realize you could do anything you want. Never change. You are just an incredible guy and you deserve lots of happiness…don't be afraid to be yourself…give those who deserve it everything that's in your soul.

"I never gave you everything, did I Sofi?' Roger murmured to himself.

He went through some more stuff and eyed the tan journal with a globe on it she mailed to him for his birthday years ago. He opened it up and read her message to him. He rereads the message

carry this with you and let me be your inspiration

and an image popped in his mind.

From Roger's journal.

Entry 1.

So, I guess this is my first entry, huh – my first entry to my crazy/nuts/weird/bizarre/odd journey. My friends and family describe my journey with those adjectives. They all thought I went bonkers. Maybe I did. But for the first time in my whole entire life, I feel ALIVE again. I haven't felt this way since the first time Sofi kissed me backstage in UK. And to think, this all started with what's-her-name – and ended with Sofi's journal she sent me from Argentina years ago: this journal that I am writing in now.

Anyways, inspired by 'carry this with you and let me be your inspiration', I had an image come to my mind of me walking across America (like that Matt Green guy I read about a year or two ago). I would carry the journal, jotting down different things I observe along the way. Of course, I would also jot down what's going through my head at the moment. It's like a blog for myself. Not planning on publishing. Just something for myself. I may send it to her when I am done, if I ever get done, because this is an open-ended journey with no finish line. I am like Frodo Baggins, and this journal is my precious. I am like Roland Deschain, and this journal (and my journey) is my ka.

I gave my two-week notice at the Diz, which shocked everyone. I just felt uncomfortable taking a job away from Lisbeth, who has as much inspiration for me doing this as Sofi has. And truth is, what I really want (or, let me rephrase, who I really want), I can't have for so many obvious reasons. So…I am going to take what she has given me, and use it well. Not sure why the image of walking along side a road heading nowhere compelled me so much. Given who I almost married, the simplicity of having no belongings except what I can take, not owing anything except the human essentials, and being entertained without money to entertain – I guess it all seemed right to me. And like Sofi has done in the past for me, she gives me inspiration without forcing inspiration down my throat. I sold all my things – EVERYTHING…except a few books I wanted to read along the way. I got rid of my phone, car, computer, everything. I took all my money out – and sorted out what I needed to survive (and on a basic budget, don't need much). The rest, I gave to my family. I have a simple carrier box, large enough to fit a tent/sleeping bag (and black/gray comforter Sofi gave me before she left Disney years ago), and your basic essentials for living. I stole the idea from what I read about Matt Green, and have a rolling cart I can push my stuff instead of carrying stuff. I even lifted the idea of his, tenting in backyards and such. But while he ended his journey, this is a never-ending journey for me.

I fell off the grid, and started traveling like a vagabond. I guess, in today's standards – I am a bum. But many, many years ago before this land was called America, I would be living like the Native Americans. A nomad!

I exited Orlando before writing this entry. The excitement is already building! What will I see? Who will I met? And then there's Sofi to consider. What would she think of me doing this?

VIII

Excerpts from Roger's journal.

Entry 107.

At the border of Ohio, and currently dealing with rain/snow/and all kinds of other nasty shit. Luckily, I haven't caught a cold. I have just enough layers of clothes to get me by. I've already had a couple of run-in with cops, thinking I am a bum. Luckily, after explaining the situation (and the same silly quote I give to people on the 'why's'), they let me get by without problems.

Entry 120.

Just met the nicest guy in Sterling Heights, Michigan. I went inside a store called Meijer, and some guy recognized me because I was featured in the Detroit Free Press last year. I didn't catch his name (his nametag was backyards). Anyways, he said I was like a journeyman. I smiled, shook his hand, and thanked him. I think he got confused with what journeyman means, and by definition, I am far from a journeyman. But the name stuck with me. I haven't mastered life yet, and I am still learning my trad...WAIT!...

...come to think about it...I am on a journey and I keep a journal about the journey. Hmmm...maybe…just maybe…I am a journeyman.

IX

Roger sat there next to his tent in Alpena, looking at the bonfire

SNAP, CRACKLE, AND POP

in front of him. He is in deep thought. He never thought he would get this

realize you could do anything you want

far.

From Roger's Journal.

Entry 156.

Wow…I have traveled a long way!

Remember that woman, Ruth Ann in Oak Park back in the Detroit area? I wrote about her quite a few entries ago. What she told me really affected me. I didn't write about the conversation I had with her. I guess I just wasn't ready to think about it…

Anyway…

I camped in her backyard when I was in that area. She asked me about my journal I was writing in. She's a writer too, you see. And she was curious about what I was writing.So I gave her my journal. Took her a little bit to read it. She hands it back to me, and tells me that everyone goes through heartache, especially when it comes to love. How I was handling mine, was a bit abnormal she says. But she never once said I should move on, as most people would say. Instead, she said my love for Sofi is strong yet my life ahead of me is infinite to the great possibilities that could arise at any given moment. In other words, I shouldn't dwell on the events from the past. I am sure Sofi would agree. Sofi would always tell me how I should be happy. It goes without saying how much I've changed since this journey.

I have no watch to keep track what time it is, or when it's time to stuff my face! I have no phone for people to pester me. I have my essentials to survive and that's it! Aside from a good book, I don't have the unnecessary things that usually flaunt people's lives.

I have no faith to rely on except myself. That differs from Sofi's faith. But I am a lot kinder to people than I have been in the past. Much like what Lisbeth has taught me back at EPCOT.

What I picked up from Sofi? I portion my meals correctly, so there isn't any waste afterwards. That is one of Sofi's biggest pet peeves: waste! I am always active everyday, doing what makes me happy and making sure I stay health enough to be able to wake up the next day and continue my journey.

My lifeline is this journal. This journal Sofi gave me. She's still my guidepost, my inspiration, my compass, and my muse. She is the reason why I am writing again! She is the reason why I have gone all this way. I do wish she were here with me. But at the same time, it's time to take the memories I had with Sofi, and press on. It has taken me this long of a journey to realize that. But I am not going to stop here…I have gotten this far. I can go farther. I can go northern. I can go to the U.P. and beyond in Canada.

The sweet scent hit his nostrils again. He gets up with his journal in his hand, and walks over to his tent. He gets inside, zips his tent up, and places his journal in his cart he travels with. He reaches in his pocket and gets out a piece of paper. He then sits down on his sleeping bag.

The paper is a bit torn up. It has seen better days. Some of the writing is faded, but he can still tell what it says. The date on the note is 3-6. It is the note Sofi wrote to him on her last day at Disney. He kept the note all this time. He reads the note again, then places it back in his pocket. A smile appears on his face. He knows deep down inside, Sofi would be proud. His little Sofi. They were soul mates that were never destined to be, like Salvatore and Elena in Cinema Paradiso, or Rick and Ilsa in Casablanca.

Roger gets inside his sleeping bag, and closes his eyes. After a little bit, he is in a deep-sleep. The journeyman dreams...