I have enjoyed the last few practice sessions for our choir. Nobody has even said boo to me or acted all contemptuous: they've been treating me like a decent human being with feelings. A wonderful change of pace!
Yet I wonder if they are doing this because it happens to be so close to our performance (which is in a few hours, by the way) or the talk from our fearless leader, Jessie, actually managed to do some good. In any event, I am glad. I hated being treated like the scapegoat when I did nothing wrong except get picked to sing the solo for the song, "O, Bless The Lord" (as did another lady, Shirley, who sings alto).
I am sorry. I can't help that I can sing and sing well. I am not bragging: it's just something that God has gifted me with and I choose to use my singing/voice for His purpose, His glory.
Yesterday during the dress rehearsal, some of the other women in the chorus came up to me, some with tears on their faces, and apologized to me. All I could do was embrace them in a hug and tell them that "all is forgiven". I left the dress rehearsal with a lighter heart, for the first time since all this "soap opera" first began.
I just hope that I don't screw up and have the choir getting mad at me again. Being looked down upon stinks. It's worse when one is obese like I am. I'm sorry; I didn't ask to be this way. It's the way God made me (plus I like to eat). The only thing is, while everyone else is standing, I will be sitting down. Trying to stand for the entire Cantata is murder on my knees, feet, and hips. Jessie understands this, although a lot of the choir does not.
It's a pain being this fat. I have tried just about every diet in the book and nothing works. Oh, I lose the weight, but not even six months later, it's back on ... and THEN some. It's bad! And it is so hard on my body!
Anyway, back to my story. I'm digressing here. My mind is full (mostly with the music from "The Gift", which is the name of our presentation) and I am doing everything I possibly can to sing my part right and not mess it up.
Well, I have to bathe, do my hair, and get dressed. I am wearing a sparkly shirt with a red jacket over it, black dress slacks, and red shoes. I have to look as if I am attending an office Christmas party. And the choir is part of the party and they have to dress up fancy as well.
Pray we do well; no, pray I do well! And pray that the message we are singing/performing reaches hearts this Christmas season! I (and the choir) would greatly appreciate it! Thanks in advance!
~Emmalene Rogers.
