Buried in Blessings
August 29, 2002
And why is this happening? Who can explain this? Who is behind all of this contempt and torment?
Could I have done something so wrong or been so nasty to warrant such punishment? That friend whom I hurt so badly,
always said there would be pay back. Could this be what she was referring to? I wonder, did she wish this on me? Surely,
I must have conducted myself horribly at one point in time to develop MS.
When I was first diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, many questions and doubts invaded, my otherwise confident
perspective. Never, had I viewed myself as perfect or any such illusion, but never did I consider myself deserving of a terminal
illness either. Each and every time I sat down in an attempt to rationalize this catastrophe, I would be dumbfounded. There
was no rhyme nor reason, from my point of view, for this adversity. If I wasn't being penalized for past actions, why,
why, why, was this happening?
It's been nearly four years since I was sentenced to this life of MS. Yeah, that's correct. I will soon have an anniversary.
The only difference I see is I am not eligible for parole. Nope, I will not be released from this prison of infirmities. Unless by some
giant development in my case, I will serve the entire life sentence. As I sit here and write this, I am smiling from ear to ear. Those
of you with Multiple Sclerosis, can possibly grin with me. You see, there was that moment that I considered this diagnosis a life
sentence of pain and torment. There was that instant, when I thought, surely I am justified through this disease. Anyone, who
falls into this category of terminal illness, must at some weak second, assumes the blame themselves. I can smile, even grin
because I know and am confident that no one, not me, or you, or anyone else is deserving of Multiple Sclerosis or any such
illness. I can say with conviction that I committed no crime, voluntary or involuntary, punishing me by way of terminal illness.
MS is a mystery, one of the numerous, mysteries of life.
Almost four years of questions, concerns and seemingly unanswered prayers. Or, that's how most would see this
experience. For me, it has been a journey incorporating challenges and apprehensions. Indeed, I have paused on many
occasions to debate, if God really did acknowledge my prayers. Wouldn't you? Well, embe dded within the struggles I have
encountered are countless blessings. You see, after feeling pity and disappointment for so long, it is a strategy for survival
to observe the good in things. It becomes a daily requirement to count your blessings and regard all that is perfect in your
life. You may laugh, but it is there!
Someday, as I grow stronger and braver, I may share parts of my pass with you. Then and only then, will you understand
my grounds for questions and yes a guilty plea. I thought surely, I am worthy of this diagnosis. I really do, deserve whatever
I get. That is a lot to contemplate while battling to remain whole. But God is good! He helped me, through friends,
circumstances and opportunities to realize that this was merely a figment of my foggy imagination.
Blessings! Never in my existence, have I been so showered with blessings. Since 1998, when the ruling came down,
I have been endowed with good fortune. Some who know me might argue. You see many believe prosperity to be in fame,
wealth and possessions. My perception of riches is an abundance of love, good friends and family. I have been granted
so many chances to avail of missed opportunities. The difference now is, I don't often, allow these possibilities to slip through
my fingers. I relish these challenges and occasions to grow as a person. I have grown. I've matured enough to see that
Multiple Sclerosis has in fact been, somewhat of a blessing. In comprehending this, I have been able to embrace the
positive aspects of my life. Through MS, I have been introduced to many, many friends whom I now refer to as family.
Yes, I am slowly climbing out of that pit of internal pain to recognize that I haven't been incarcerated, imprisoned or
condemned. No doubt, I have been secluded, immersed, even overwhelmed. I'll confess. I have been buried . . .
"Buried in Blessings."
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| Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado |
11/15/2002 |
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| i've been buried in blessings, too. i have so many! and it is to the lord jesus christ that i thank; if it weren't for him, i wouldn't have ever discovered my writing ability or this great site, authorsden.com! god bless you, sweetie! love, your friend in texas, karen lynn. ((((((HUGS)))))) :) |
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| Reviewed by sophie merrick |
11/7/2002 |
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