Crayon Message

Early Last Night

thinking got heavy
uncomfortable feelings crept in
the mix was...
i don't know...
revealing?

how much?
how much was one person supposed to carry?
how strong this body thin?

have i not hammered enough nails?
untangled enough twisted synaptic vines?
when will it be finished
this lean-to in the forest of high-rise expectancies
these mindscapes where insomniacs of abandoned conscience
meet persistent awareness aflame

is there only sitting alone on empty subway cars
careening through express stops
where ghosts of ancient ether float suspended
waving their giddy hands as the blur passes
where the burning midnight oil insistence
searches for better light
illuminated dream signs
visions that never cease?

that was before i reached the last stop
climbed the stairs into midnight darkness
listened to my cacophony of silence
pushed through that familiar door
straddled my stool at O'Riley's
made my pencil write
while five and dime glassware
became faceted crystal of my dreams
sloshing memories about
elbowing their way into napkin after napkin
crossed out words after crossed out words
caramel river after caramel river
finding my liver oh so accommodating

Later last night

i found my perch atop the familiar railing
you know
the same one as before
and before
and before
studying the arc

did you know water runs deepest
when you know it's time?
and
they keep telling me
200 feet allows plenty of gravity to collect

but

they've got me in this awful green room again
took my pencil
gave me a crayon
purple this time
words don't care
curls and lines
just the same

Late last night

they said i had to stay awhile
again
you know
‘til i convinced them
again
i'm all here
all together
just a little lonely
no harm

you know
i'm thinkin'
there's gotta be another way
you know
better than making you up all the time
maybe we could meet
you and me
coffee
nothing fancy
just...

maybe early
tomorrow night
before my thinkin' gets heavy again
maybe?

sweetheart?