I am a failure as a Marine.

I wanted to follow in my Pa's footsteps.  He was one of the bravest men I knew.

I always thought Marines were cool.  They looked so sharp in their uniforms and regal manner.  I wanted to be just like them.

Then when I went into the Marines after high shool, I found out differently.

Being a Marine is not what it is all cracked up to be.

I am currently in Israel, trying to help freedom fighters defend the people of Israel from attacks by the Palestinians, who want nothing more than to take over and control things.  It is a very dangerous time: rocket attacks and gunfire are very common here.  We have to be on guard constantly and pray to God that we aren't caught in the enemy's path.

I also have lost all my nerve.  I'm not nearly as brave as I claim to be.  I try to put on a brave affront when with people or my fellow soliders, but on the inside, I am a lily-livered chicken.  I am quaking like a bowl of jello.

If the head of my troop or my fellow Marines knew how I really felt about being in the military, they'd laugh me back to boot camp ... or perhaps, boot me out altogether.  I am not cut out to be a Marine!

Just yesterday a rocket landed quite close to me.  It was totally unexpected.  I about had a moo cow, shit my drawers, and had a heart attack (all at once, mind you).  I started blubbreing like a baby.  It was extremely mortifying trying to explain to my buddies why I was weeping like a kinderagartener on the first day of school.

I just thank God I or my buddies were not hurt, but still ... I startle easily at loud noises.  Maybe it was wrong for me to join, but I wanted to be like my Pa, as I alluded to earlier, and I wanted to make a difference for our country and our allies.  Now I'm beginning to see that my being here is nothing but a joke.

Just keep me (and my buddies) in your thoughts and prayers: it is hell being in a danger zone; I personally don't know how these poor people can take it day after day or week after week!  What I wouldn't give to be back home in Galveston, Texas, lazing around on the beach or surfing in the warm Gulf of Mexico waters ....