I look in the mirror at my reflection.  I'm reminded once again of the horror I managed to live through over 11 years ago.  Every day I see my scars, missing  hand, and missing eye (since replaced with a prosthetic eye) and am once again faced with the nightmare that was September 11, 2001.

I was one of those people who was on the upper floor of the North Twin Tower when it was struck by that plane.  I was blown into the hallway; I was severely burned over 70% of my body.  The pain was excruciating, unlike any pain I had ever felt.  That was the last thing I remember before I mercifully passed out (or did I die?) ...

When I woke up, I was surprised to find myself in a hospital bed.  Nurses and doctors bent over me, looking at me; they wore protective clothing; they reminded me of a group of space aliens.  I also remember the sound of beeping machinery; for a minute, I thought I had been whisked to another planet and that the people surrounding my bed were space creatures.  I truly became frightened.  Very much so.

Little by little, I learned what had actually happened.  I had been burned beyond recognition in an explosion; it was a miracle I had even survived.  The pain I felt (still felt) was horrendous; no amount of medication could alleviate the pain, especially when it came to changing the dressings and bandages.  I thought I was going to go mad. 

I was in the hospital for over four and a half months.  I then had to go to a rehab facility to learn how to do even the simplest tasks (and to deal with my growing anger over what happened).  I had to learn how to do things with just one hand; it was a lot harder than I could have ever imagined.

I still wrestle with conflicting feelings.  I still have a sense of anger towards the perpetrators who did this and while I am glad Osama bin Laden, the leader of the attacks, has been killed (he was killed last year after years of searching), the fact is, my injuries and deformities will never go away.  I also have to deal with the memories and ongoing nightmares.

I have been seeing a therapist to talk about the nightmare of September 11, 2001, but I honestly don't see any of it doing any good.  I still feel confused, angry, and frightened.  And to see my hideous reflection in the mirror each and every morning does little to help my mood.

~To be continued!~