I should have never become a parent.

I feel as if I have failed not only my children (or my husband), but also myself.  I'm probably the worst parent on the planet.

I should have been there when our second youngest, Mariah Grace, became gravely ill with a rare bacterial infection, but no .... I was on a business trip, clear across the country.  There was no way I could get out of going. 

By the time I had gotten back home (and to the hospital), I was informed that Mariah had passed away.  She was only six years of age.  I didn't even get to say goodbye to my little girl.

That was just over one year ago.  I miss Mariah with all of my heart.  I still say it is my fault.  I should have been there at her bedside at the hospital, not attending a damned business meeting in another state!

It also doesn't help that our youngest child, Grayson Micah, was just diagnosed as having a severe form of autism.

At the age of three, Grayson doesn't talk or interact well with other people.  He is happiest being by himself and would rather play with his toys or spend time rocking back and forth or flapping his hands by his face than to look at us or even attempt to talk.

We have taken Grayson from specialist to specialist, to see if they can help our broken little boy, but to no avail.  Grayson remains locked in his own little world, and we feel powerless to help him emerge back into ours.

~To be continued!~