It is days like today that make me miss him most of all.

My father died a little over a year ago; he died one year ago last month; he died on Thanksgiving Day.  So the holidays are extremely hard for me.  I miss my dad so much it isn't even funny!

Today is a cold, nasty, rainy day out.  Good thing we started our Christmas break today because I don't want to be out in this mess.  In fact, the weather forecasters are calling for as much as ten inches of snow in our area today ... and more can be expected tonight.  So we aren't really going anywhere.

It was on a day like today when we got the call that Dad died.  He had been shoveling snow and he had a heart attack.  He died instantly.  It was a quick, painful death, but it was too late even before the ambulance came.  Dad was only 55, way too young.  It was the worst thing that could have ever happened to us.

This is our first Christmas (not to mention, holiday season) without our Dad.  Mom has been crying all day and I am still grieving myself.  I am past the crying stage, but I am still very sad.  I still find it hard to believe that Dad is gone from our lives, but I am glad he didn't suffer (or at least I'm hoping he didn't suffer .... ).

Dad left behind his wife (my mother), as well as us kids:  my older sister Synthia (18), our big brother Dillon (who is in Iraq serving in the war), myself, and our little brothers Colton, Dalton, and Willie, who are 10, 8, and 5.  We don't plan on having much of a Christmas this year; in fact, we haven't even started on our shopping, and we haven't even put out our tree or decorations.  I don't think we will even bother because we are still all torn up about Dad dying on us like he did.

Mom still says if her husband hadn't gone out to shovel the snow, he would still be here.  She still blames herself for his death.  I don't, but I still feel bad that he had to go like he did.  It just doesn't seem very fair.  All we can do is hope that he is in Heaven, with Jesus, and that he is no longer suffering.