One year ago today, my mother died.  She was only 60 years old, far too young.

My mom had multiple sclerosis.  She had the severe, debilitating kind, the kind that progressively gets worse over time and kills.  She really suffered during the last two years of her life; I was the one who often took care of her when Daddy was at work (he was a cop; he worked many long hour shifts).

Mom used to be vibrant, extremely active.  If one didn't know any better, they couldn't tell that Mom was a senior citizen: she definitely looked far younger, like maybe in her middle to late forties at the most.  They were often surprised when Mom (or Daddy and myself) revealed to them that Mom was in her fifties, nearing the age of 55.

Then the MS she had been diagnosed with a few years earlier began getting worse at a rapid rate.  She went from being able to take care of herself to being totally wheelchair bound, then, within a few months, bedfast.  She needed help with eating, getting dressed or bathed, even being taken to the restroom.  It was very humbling seeing Mom deterioating before our very eyes.

Mom eventually succumbed to the illness.  Daddy was the one who found her in bed one morning (one year ago today, as a matter of fact), cold, grey, and without breath.  She was dead.  We knew that immediately, and it crushed our spirits.  We were absolutely devastated.  Mom's death hit us all like a ton of bricks.

I don't remember much about the days after her death or much about the funeral.  Maybe it was my choice to block it out of my head entirely, but I honestly don't remember those days immediately after Mom had passed away.  Now I have a bunch of unanswered questions, and I am trying to find the right time to talk to Daddy about Mom, to try to find out what happened, who came to the funeral, and the like.

We went to the gravesite to pay our respects to Mom.  We all cried, me, especially.  I was extremely close to my mother and I oftentimes wished that I could have been the one suffering instead of her.  If I could have wished for anything, it would have been for her MS to be cured so Mom could get back to the active lifestyle she dearly loved prior to getting sick.

I still can't believe that she's gone.  It's like a neverending nightmare that I can't wake up from.  It's the worst feeling in the world.  Just keep me, my father, and my family members in your prayers as we remember Mom once again; it's been a horrible, terrible year, one that I would never wish on my own worst enemy!  Thank you in advance!