I'm shaking-scared.

I don't know when I've been so frightened.

My precious little boy, Jebediah Michael, has been in surgery for the past two hours to repair a hole in his heart, and complications have risen.  He is bleeding internally, and if doctors can't stop it, they'll have to make the decision as to continue with the surgery or to just let him go.  He is also showing little in the way of brain activity, and his vital signs are all over the place.

What was supposed to have been a simple procedure has suddenly turned into something much more dire.  I'm sitting here in the waiting room with my mother and our oldest daughter (17); my husband is home with our other seven children (ages 1, 2, 5, 7, 8, 9, and 11).  Jebediah is 3 and he is our Miracle Boy.  He has Down syndrome and other issues; he's been in and out of hospitals since day one.  Why should this time be any different??  Yet that is exactly what it is shaping out to be, and I don't know what to do!

I have been praying to God to grant us yet another miracle for Jebediah ... and for US.  He hasn't let us down before; I am trying to put all my faith in Him, but when I get news like the kind I just got from the nurse, I don't know where else to turn!

We adopted Jebediah from Tennessee when he was a year old.  He's been nothing but a blessing in our lives.  It is because of kids like him (and our other two children who have special needs, Teagan and Melissa, who are our 5 and 11 year olds) that we've learned about compassion, patience, love in its true st, purest form, and acceptance of those who may not be like us.

We cannot imagine our world without our son.  Now it seems as if that world is threatening to unravel and I am trying to do everything possible from losing it or crying.  I don't know when I've cried so much ....

~To be continued!~