The most common war in history is the sex war, often conducted in the dead of night after night in American bedrooms, but is also a world wide phenomenon, and happens between married and singles, ocassionals, and among cheaters, and the faithful. What are the effects on couples, on countries, and the cultural implications?

We'll explore in the coming days.

 8/1/13

This is an extremely difficult subject, extremely complex, at once personal and intense.

So we will start with trying to define what is meant by the term "sex war."

By this I mean the circumstance which involves a couple, normally at odds with one another over sexual matters although it can quickly spread throughout a relationship to friends and family as well and involves other aspects of the relationship as well, from kids, to money, to friends. Conversely difficulties in any of the above areas can also result in sex wars.

The point is sex wars do not remain confined to sex and can quickly affect and infect many other aspects of a relationship and vice-versa.

But exactly how, we may ask, does it begin?

Here are some headlines:

He or she may notice that their partner begins to become more distant, less affectionate, less interested in sex,  may be secretly or openly disatisfied with their sex life.

She may feel he is becoming less and less considerate and affectionate, and he begins to harbor resentments that she gets a lot of headaches and just wants to rest, or that he senses she is less and less satisfied with sex.

It may reach points where she fakes interest, fakes orgasms, melding over into the sense that she is being used sexually, especially when he rolls over and falls to sleep immediately after.

There may be unspoken dissatisfactions, one partner wanting to explore more than his/her partner, one actually prefering masturbation to actual sex, one partner becoming disgusted with the act, just wanting to get it over.

Decreasing and/or distorted sex can quickly emerge from this initial pattern.

He may feel anger over the decreasing sex and when they do make love she senses he is rough, not affectionate and even angry, which of course makes her feel even less eager to make love.

After a while frequency drops, and infrequent best describes their sexual relationship or it become rote and routine and a weekend affair or even monthly and worse.

Anger and resentment builds over time, or worse indifference. He looks to other outlets for his sex drive and she does too, in the kids, in seeking intense emotional relationships outside the relatonship, and he in drinking, carousing, withdrawal, long hours at work, or even abuse; or seeking more and more control over her, money, or other aspects of the relationship as punishment.

Unfixed, divorce or mental seperation patterns set in and each starts to live seperate lives even while married.

The couple might try to patch things up and rekindle interest with everything from romantic dinners, cruises, sincere talks, and a number of other different attempts. But a long standing sex war can breed long-lasting resentments and misunderstandings not only mentally but physically as well. We forget that sexual resentments are not expressed merely in the mind but in the body as well. See links below.

http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewshortstory.asp?id=52294&authorid=121255

http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewshortstory.asp?id=55159&authorid=121255

http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewshortstory.asp?id=51725&authorid=121255

http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewshortstory.asp?id=52199&authorid=121255

These are common patterns and we what we want to explore are solutions, identify outcomes to this kind of marriage and look at its effects on society and take a look at how historically how has this situation has been dealt with in other societies.
We are not the first country to have the problem but interestingly each country or society has come up with different solutions.

Next time, we want to look at what willing couples can do and then lets look at how a marriage like this affects other members of the family, and then on to friends and other relationships.

Let's be brave and trek on knowing no one can cover the subject adequately but we shall at least try.

Next time.

 8/2/13