I am the Fat Girl
the one that everyone hates,
holds in contempt
makes fun of
the one who has Jenny Craig dreams of being thin;
who learns to hate her self
because of cupcakes;
who can walk pass ice cream
and gain five pounds
whose parents are thin
while telling me I just have to watch my calories
I am the one who is mean
and retaliates
by spreading rumors
that the pretty girls are lesbian
or whores
or that they take drugs.
That is me;
the last chosen in gym class for the team
The object of fat jokes;
The one who is watched in the cafeteria
to see what I am eating
who has to sit and see the small girls
eat whatever they want
who has to declare that she doesn't like chocolate
the one who can never go to the beach
to pool parties
never find clothes that fit;
wearing sheets;
who can't neck with thin boys
who can never touch down there
because I hate myself so
who has to watch TV after TV show
which show
that
fat people are the most hated people in the world
and contemptible;
no one ever says anything good about the 'fatties'
they make fun of you to your face
or speak with patronizing sentences
or offer dieting tips
and false statements of support.
Even your thin parents think you eat too much
will never get married
and secretly give up on you.
If the parents are fat like you
they don't want to go out anywhere
because fat draws attention
to them
at the movies.
In the restaurant;
Fat is bad
You are told horror stories:
that you will get diabetes
that you will die of heart failure
that your babies will have complications
that you really are worthless
and might as well die.
That is fat.
And worse
no one understands
or even want to understand;
fat is the new leper
repulsive
even as they smile
in your face
while secretly believing
that it is all your fault
and it never stops.
I see the women over forty
crazed over their fat arms
their weight gains
their cottage cheese thighs.
Some of them will
finally understand fat.
I got a boyfriend after college
from Asia where fat is beautiful
yes fat is beautiful
in many parts of the world,
a sign of wealth
but he was a woman beater
and I had to walk away from the relationship
marrying my present husband
who is fatter than I am.
You covered it all in this story poem. I don't think a fat girl could write it better. I can't help thinking of the woman at our office who started work early, 17, who is very bright and an excellent secretary. She retired early, already having difficulty walking and short of breath. She died recently, very young, and although she had a son, never married. I was also reminded of another secretary, also starting work at 17 had a crush on me that I didn't know. She invited me to her family's home for supper one night. I watched her entire family, all obese grabbing shake and bake chicken that her mother made like it was candy.
For the past 10 years I have been fighting fat. I have to do it with diet because I can no longer exercise by myself. I changed my diet voluntarily when I was in my twenties and stayed very active all my life (I had no forced exercise routine) until I could no longer walk. It worked for me and I'm healthy, trying to avoid the tasty treats I'm constantly offered.
I've noticed that concentration camps and prison camps like those in North Vietnam produced survivors that never gain weight and live healthy and very active long lives. I would suggest that those seriously considering losing weight would find a survival expedition to join. The process would not only toughen them up, both mentally and physically, but provide the kind of rapid weight loss that they need. If I was able, I would start such a program immediately, because all of the stupid diet programs out there are scams. I'm not talking about reality shows, but the real thing. You could start with ten-year-olds in the wilderness with good supervision and support. You would be surprised how behavior and attitudes would change when children learn that eating bugs and snakes is more healthy than smores.
Food is too easy to obtain. It's free with food stamps. Most food that's available to the poor and uneducated is expensive and unhealthy. Inexpensive food like gathering your own wild greens, is inexpensive and healthy. Unless we can educate parents that cow's milk is unhealthy for their children, along with most of what is considered, baby food, children will continue to be obese and subject to be ridiculed.
This was no mere illusion. Colin Chase Rand, pulled through a magical portal, landed in 1935 where the dust bowl and the Great Depression was destroying lives, and a serial killer was in their midst
