In 1996, while working on a Bachelors, one of my friends was grief stricken, and became longely after loosing a son while in prison, because he wouldn't join a gang.   

 In September of 1993, three years earlier, we both had just finshed our bits at Dwight Correctional Facility in Dwight, IL..  What a learning adverture?  Prison!   She was released after doing a back up on a parole violation, on a robbery charge (at some burger king).  She was sentenced to 12 years, did six, violated her parole and have to give IDOC another six years.  Either way, she was released on September 3, 1993.  I was released September 13, 1993.  Since we were two "real" women,  who had done time in the Illinois Department of Correction and after doing our "bits"  we needed to find ourselves a man.  Back then, jails, and prison were filled with what they called "drug dealers, shoplifters, and recidivism, women and men coming back into the prison as fast as their outdate came.  Two to three months later, most of them would be back in,  for violating their probation.  What a bomber!  I thought!  I got six year and I got to do atleast three of those. They only had or have six months to do and they are rite back in here. 

 At any rate, my friend, had just lost her daughter a  years or two  after our release from prison,  and she was lying on the bed talking to this man as if he was in control of her life.  I thought at first he was a "free man," or a man living in the "free" world.  She was lying on her back, with the phone resting between her head and shoulders,  with her leg waving back and forth.  I could tell that this man was turning her on sexually behind bars.  After noticing her body language, I than asked her?  "Who are you talking to?"  She said, "This guy in prison."  I said, "How did you get to know him?"  She said, "One day he the phone rang, and the operator said, "You have a collect call from a correctional facility, hang up to deny the charges, push three, if you accept the charges."  I said, "So you accepted the charges."  She said, "Yes."  I said to her, "He have you purring and serenading like a cat  in prison?"  She said, "Yes!  I have been talking to him since Pear (her daughter) died"  I said, "Let me talk to him."  I introduced myself.  Than I asked him, "Do you think you could hook me up with a nice young man in there for me to talk with.  I don't want one with long hair.  I would like one who has all of his teeth,  smells good and well groomed.  He doesn't have to be "cute and all too good looking, (because every woman wants a handsome man) I just needed a man who is a man.  Who doesn't "live" in the mirror every day and every hour of the day," looking at himself.  I just needed well dressedman , with all his teeth in front, no bad breath or long hair.  PLEASE!...He can be baldheaded.  He said, " I believe I have the right one for you.  I said, "I am going home now, so give him this number (my phone number) and tell him I said to call me collect"  

My so called man, I had been seeing had left and moved to Oklahoma, with a woman who looked just like me his step daughter told me.  But that's another story.  About two days, passed, I received a phone call, with that prison recording, I thought, "This must be the guy!"  And it was the guy...Rite a way, I began to ask questions.  Like,  "Are you married.?  How many children do you have?  What are you in prison for?  When will you be coming home?  How much more time do you have to do? Questions I needed answers to, before I throught what was only going to be a "prison telephone relationship."  Since I was in college.  But it went  further   Than I wanted to know what or who he looked like, since I didn't have a photo of him.  I needed for him to say, I look like a man everybody knew in the world.  Example:  Westly Snipes, Lawerence Fishborne,  example:   He laughed and said, he would send me a photo.  About  month a photo arrived in the mail.  He looked like a clean well groomed  young man.  After seeing what he looked like, he began to call regularly, and I began to accept the phone calls, regularly.  We'd laugh and make jokes over the phone.  He was a good listner, as he would be so very quiet when I am telling him about my day and/or what else that was going on in the so called "free world."  Once I sent him money to buy gym shoes.  Men who are in prison and wants and need a relation ship with a woman, who are sensitive and/or dedicated to their needs.  Once I went to visit him, there was one one inmate, a very very attractive inmate, who woked in photos (inmate hired to take photos).  This man would look at me as if I had no clothes on.  Then he had the nerves to ask me if I wanted hime to buy me popcorn rite before the man I initially came to visit, Andrew.  This incident upsetted my friend badly, until he responded to "I told you this is how it is in here, when a guy has a woman coming to see him, another inmate always has his eyes on the same woman."  It wasn't until he came home in 2006, that I truly understood.  I was dressed in an an African attire.  Since I"d broken up with my boyfriend for almost a year, and to be told I looked nice...what woman wouldn't want an on going relationship with an inmate, even if it was only to be admired.  I was feeling and getting a need from a man who neede me in a unique kind of way.  Only thing, it was impossible for him to have me as we, both wanted and needed to have each other.  We'd talk until the prison phones would shut down.  We'd grew fond each other.  So I continuted visiting him, sometimes staying 3-5 days in a hotel.  It was fun for me.  At least I was not all alone, and sitting at home lonesome, wondering and wishing I had a man's touch.  Plus, it was very theraupetic for me, as I felt secure, as the man I'd grew to LOVE was locked up and I was okay with that, as long as I knew he was coming home to me someday.

Yet, when September 1996, I went shopping for things to decorate my bathroom, i.e., towels, wall paper, pictures.  My home phone didn't ring all that date, I thought it was because Andrew was in route home from prison. Nite time came, no phone call, no Andrew.  Yet, I remained hopeful...Than, my friend called, Linell....I told her the situation.  She said, "you want me to call the prison and see, if he is out?"  I said, "yes."  She called, and returned a call to me and said, "Girl, that man is still locked up."  I said, "you kidding."  She said, "This is what correctional officer told me."  Man, I sighed so loud... I couldn't and didn't want to believe this man had lied and said he was coming home, when he didn't.  I didn't want to believe all along that 'andd "N" number, which he had either done time before then, or had been in prison for almost 10 years and counting.  But it was the truth.  After all of the drama.  I began to do some research and found out that Andrew had been prisons since 1983 and was not elgible for parole until 2006.  It was 1996 then!  All I knew in my heart that I was not waiting on a man to come home. One who had lied about his out date, in order for me to fall for him,  

The following day, my phone ringed and ringed...The prison operator, is "saying you have a collect call from an inmate in Illinois Department of Correction."  My mind and my heart was wanting to speak with Andrew as I wanted to know what was his explaination to why he his not home.  When he finally stayed on the phone long enough for the operator to connect him....He said to me.."How are you doing."  I said, "I am good," my usual.  He said, "I know you are upset with me."  I said, "Yes," I am.  Why aren't you home."  Now with his back against the wall, he feel the need to confess and said, "Joe Ann, I am not getting out of here until 2008."  It was 1996 then!  I was in shock, total shock!  Yet, somewhat upset...I'd allowed this man to tell me this for two and a half years that he was coming home in 1996.  Feeling like a fool.  I told him not to call me anymore and that I was not waiting on him for another 10 years.  That was impossible.  Later I called my dear friend, Fahmeeda, who had just married an inmate and told the situtation.  She said, "Girl you gonna quit the man because he lied to you about his out-date.  I said, "Yes."  "I don't need a man to start off lying to me, thinking I would love him more.  He told me a "serious lie."  I didn't want to hear anything she was saying, because, I didn't see any constant smiles on her face, nor did she come back after a visit with her husband with and encouraging words, so I didn't want to hear anything she had to say.  In my mind, I understood one thing and that is:  Misery loves company."  And I was not miserable, she was.  Marrying a man, who is locked up for the rest of his life is not my forte. Yet, I allowed myself to be content.  After all I was working on a Bachelors of Arts degree.  Remember, I too am an ex-con.  Yet, I needed to prove to myself.  I could over come any obstacle that is put before and being in prison is the biggest obstacle to over come once you've done time.  People look at you differently.  They speak to you differently.  It's like you are a curse to society couple with a menace.  Kowing that only the strong survives, helps to shift life's havoc to phenomonel adventure. An adventure where you will know and feel in your heart is for you, because of the change you made for yourself.  Andrew, later said to me, that he thought that if I loved him, it wouldn't make any difference to me, because I loved him.  Well it didn't work out that way.  From that point on, I didn't trust him.  So I broke all ties to him.  I didn't even want to tallk to him.  

Until one day, my phone ringed...I thought it was a collect phone call from Andrew...So I accepted the charges.  It was a guy, who at  some point was Andrew's cell mate.  Apparently, he'd gone through andrew letters, I'd written him, took my phone number called and told me that Andrew stole his pants.  I could not believe what I was hearing.  I thought it was a JOKE at first, until I could see how addiment this guy was.  He told me his name was Robert Taylor.  I said to him.  "Do you have an education?"  He said, "No!"  I said, to him, "Do Andrew know you are calling me."  He said, "No!"  I said, to him, "Please don't call me anymore and tell me anything more about what is going in that prison between you and Andrew or anybody else.  And that he should start focosing on getting an education, so you can be prepared for the real world when yo are released from prison."  Adbrubtly, hung up my phone.  About a month after, Andrew called, I told him about Robert Taylor, and asked him to "Please stop leaving my telephone number, address, etc around for his prison mates and/or cellmates to get it.  I also told him what Robert said about how he stoled his pants.  Later I learned that Robert got a transfer, claiming "protective custody."  Andrew also put in a laterl transfer, caught up with Robert in the prison yard and there they had words and whatever else went on.

In January 1998, I was living in Harvey, IL, in an upstairs apartment.  The telephone ring... It was Robert Taylor. He'd just gotten out prison.  I asked what are you calling me for.  He said to say.  Hi... I said. Hi and went on my way... Yet, I became lonesome, and school was out.  He invited me out to dinner and and curious as I was, I began seeing him.  I later learned he was in prison for burgurly/stealing.  NOw, I know I don't need to be bothered with him as I have a lot going for myself.   This is was in 1998, the year I began working on an Masters Degree.  Robert was so crafty with his hands, and I he would repair things around the house, he sorta grew on me.  As I was working on my masters degree, things started coming up missing around the house.  Although my mind was on a "masters degree,"  I could not ignore the fact that money, tools, clothes etc, was coming up missing, and these were all my things.   Now I don't want to be bothered and I grew increasingly angry, because he would give me money, I would place it where I could come back and get it... He would watch and take it back, and when I would go to get it, he would tell me to "look for it!"  When he would have taken it back all the time.  This would make me so very angry, because I felt and thought he was playing on my intelligence.  It wasn't until one day, I placed a real trap for him.  I'd been on him about how he was "user."  He never brought me any money home.  This particular day, he brought home some money,  and gave it to me.  It is what a real man suppose to do, when he has a woman he likes and deeply cares for.  So I took the money, and  I allowed him to see where I would put it.  Sure enough, when I went back to get the money.  It was gone!  Incidently, he was the only one I'd prepared to trap for and he fell rite into it.  Thinking I didn't know.   

In February 1999, I applied for Section 8.  As I was tired of Robert stealing from me.  So whe I applied for Section 8 I applied for Section 8 for him too.  I wanted him out of my house.  As he living other place too.  In October 1999, I had to go and get my two grand children from Alabama.  Now I need somebody to be at home with them and Robert was the "unwanted to" candidate.  In February 2000, our Section 8 was approved.  I was so happy.  Now Robert could get his own place and still look out for my grand children at night.  

One night after school...I saw Robert riding a bicycle down a one way street, while my grand children was home a lone.  I assume he was out looking to see whose house he could break in.  As he was a true thief.  

Andrew changed cellmates.  One I guess, he trusted.  This particular cellmate searched through Andrew's letters/papers, retrieved my telephone number, calling me saying, "Andrew, stole his pants" or something of that nature.  I .  Prison 

Early on in our acquaintances, some of Andrew's so calledcellmates

From saying   

March 4, 2012