Martha Morgan here.

I am happy to say that my beautiful daughter, Alaska Dawn, has survived her suicide attempt and is now back home, where she belongs; but she is now undergoing counseling twice a week (on the days she has therapy) to help her come to terms witih her feelings and ongoing depression.

Alaska was born with arthrogryposis multiplex conginita, or AMC, which causes joint contractures and muscle weakness.  She cannot bend her hands or elbows; her wrists are fixed in a slight curve.  She has had to learn how to write and do other things in ways that are unconventional to most people.  She needs help in getting dressed, brushing her hair and teeth, and even eating.  I am her hands most of the time.

I'm also her teacher.  I have pulled her out of public school (at the insistance of both Alaska and her counselors) and am teaching her at home during the day; she was horribly bullied and never told me that she was having problems at school.  She tried her best to hide it, but I could see the look in her eyes and face that told me a different story altogether.  When I found her that day on the ground, unconscious and lying in a pool of blood, I nearly freaked; I thought she was dead.  It took a trip to the hospital to save her life.

I've already lost my husband: he died several years ago in Afghanistan: a mortar attack hit the compound that he was in; four died, including Brent.  He was 39.  Alaska and Brent had a very special relationship: she was extremely close to her father.  His death hit me hard, but it nearly devastated Alaska.  That started the downward spiral in her mental health; things just got worse, and it didn't help that the kids at her school made fun of her about her father in addition to everything else.

I have tried to be there for my daughter in every way possible, but at times she has been unreachable, or difficult to understand.  I am upset at her for trying to kill herself, but what kills me more is that she neglected to tell me of the issues she was having.  Why couldn't she have come to me and talk to me about what she had been facing instead of hiding it all inside?  I am her mother, for god's sake!!

I nearly became not only a widow: I also nearly became a mother of a deceased child.  Losing my husband was horrendous enough; to lose my daughter would have probably done me in.  I love Alaska with all my being; I want nothing but the best for her.  I work three jobs in order to try to pay the bills or put food on the table and make sure that Alaska has all that she needs in life.  Why would she want to hurt herself?  Is life that bad??

I wish I knew what to do to make my daughter happy, but to tell you the truth, I am quickly running out of options.  Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

~Martha Morgan, Alaska's mom.

~To be continued!~