It's Obama's Fault
The following conversation with John Boehner, Speaker of the House, took place on the second Tuesday of last week according to his own calendar.
Q. Why did the chemical spill occur in West Virginia, and who is to blame?
A. Obama is to blame for not enforcing regulations.
Q. But, sir, the spill was not within the EPA's jurisdiction.
A. Obama always has an excuse, doesn't he?
Q. OK, what about the snowstorm that covered about one-half the United States? Whose fault was that?
A. Obama was at fault. He should have put a safety net under the storm and caught all the snow.
Q. But that is impossible. It would have taken millions of people, each with the strength of Hercules, all moving at 30 miles per hour, crossing rivers, and hills, and woods.
A. Don't bother me with details. I'm a big stinker, er, I mean a thinker. Obama's job is to put people back to work.
Q. Do you plan to shut down the government anytime in 2014?
A. Hell no. If Obama shuts it down, that's his choice.
Q. But Obama has never shut it down. It was the Republicans.
A. Hell no. We can't do anything that complicated. He's the smart guy.
Q. Well, you have a point there.
Q. What about Food Stamps. Are you going to cut off the poor and let them starve?
A. What, are you nuts? Let them go to their refrigerators just like the rest of us.
Q. The Republicans have obstructed every jobs program Obama has offered. And now you want to cut off unemployment for those who can't find a job. How come?
A. Well, if they were real job creators, they would just create some jobs and go to work.
Q. And that would be Obama's fault?
A. You're damn right!
Q. The Republicans have been busy since 2010 gerrymandering voting districts and rigging the voting laws in about 17 states. Do you think your efforts will result in Republicans keeping the House and taking the Senate?
A. Hey listen bud. We cheat fair and square, and if that means we win, that's the way the people want it.
Q. And if you don't win?
A. Everyone knows Obama is a cheat. Look at Illinois.
Q. But Obama had nothing to do with Illinois. And the former governor is in prison.
A. He can have Obama as a cell mate just as soon as we impeach him.
Q. Sir, you seem to blame Obama for everything. Why is that?
A. No I don't. I didn't blame him for climate warming because that is not true .
Q, You mean you don't believe the 2,500 scientists?
A. I wouldn't believe them on a stack of Bibles.
Q. What if Obama said he agreed with you?
A. If he says the earth is not getting warmer, trust me, it is.
Q. I have just one last question, sir. If Obama resigned the presidency tomorrow, would you stop blaming him for everything?
A. Hell no. It might take a week or two. Congress moves with caution.
