Sydney, Australia, 13 May, 2014~

Dear All~

G'day from Australia, Sydney, in fact!  'Tis Tottie Ruth Brighton at the helm; little nippers are down for their nap, so I have some me-time.  The little ones are driving me ragged; it's a wonder I haven't gone mad .... Guinivere (the younger of the two) has especially been on a tear ....

More than once I have had to get after her for playing in me pots and pans; the more noise she can make, the happier she is.  Well, all that banging has resulted in a terrific headache on my part, and I'm about to go bonkers!

Trystan, who is now four, has, thankfully, moved past that stage: he has settled down and has adopted Bobbo's quiet, calm demeaner.  He isn't like his sister at all.  His sister, meanwhile, takes after ME.  LOL (Poor kid!)

I wish I had their energy .... they may be my kids, but they wear me plumb OUT, especially Guinnie!

It was a frosty one this morning; in fact, the weather forecasters are calling for possible snow later tonight into tomorrow; we could get around an inch or so.  Lovely ... not even winter yet here, and it's already colder than a witch's tit.  Bloody cold weather does a number on me fibro!!  UGH!  I'm in such agony, I'm about to SCREAM!!  I don't do cold weather!! Never have, never will .....

Bobbo and the kids are well; it's ME who is falling apart.  Besides the fibro and other issues, I have cancer to worry about .... yes, you've read correctly.  Cancer.  I have cancer in me breast; have been going through chemo and radiation therapies and have lost all me pretty red hair; I also had a mastectomy (breast removal; had both removed as a precaution); I'm as bald as a rock.  I am spent and weak; it takes a lot of effort just to function.  The cancer was detected early, but still, I have to do this until it's gone or else the doctor says otherwise.  Bobbo has had to take time off his work so he can spend time with me and the children.

I feel bad for Bobbo 'cause I've taken his life away from him; but he doesn't mind.  Well, maybe HE doesn't, but I DO.  I don't deserve this, this cancer diagnosis, and I don't deserve having to go through so much already with me health!!  I may be in my forties, but I feel (and look) more like I'm 80!!  I look like a palsied old woman; being in a chair doesn't help!!

I've done a lot of crying; it's a wonder I have any tears left.  I have been undergoing counselling to help me deal with this cancer and its effects, but I have me bad days and good days. Today is a bad day.  Guinnie's shenanigans doesn't help.  I wonder if I could sell her to the local zoo ...  :/

This past Sunday was Mother's Day.  We all stayed home and had a quiet day.  I spent a lot of time in bed.  I wasn't in any shape to go out.  Bobbo had lunch broght in.  I ate a little;  damn chemo ruined my appetite; everything tastes GROSS.  I'm on so many meds it's a wonder I don't rattle, plus I go once a week, if my blood counts are good, for IV chemo.  I've had a port implanted in me chest so I don't get stuck near as much, plus me arms aren't all black and blue, which is a plus.

Just keep me in your prayers.  I've suffered so much, and I've been royally depressed.  The counselling helps a little, but I still worry about what might happen; I don't want me children or me mate to go without ... well, ME ... in their lives!  I'm too young to worry about death or dying!  I can use any (and all) prayers!  Thank you in advance! 

Well, gonna lie down; feel like hell.  Headache is making me nauseated.  UGH!   Will write when I'm up to it; who knows when THAT will be .... if you don't hear from me, Bobbo will update at a later time; stay tuned!

~Tottie.  :(