We started off like any other people would.We both agreed It had been a long time,she recalled almost 7 years or so,it'd been 7 years 9 months and 23 days,hours and minutes counting,but hey who's counting,I'm good with 7.We both tried to make do by hearing what we missed in these 7 years.Mine was pretty much the same,boring architectural stuff,but I did mention that 'Achs' featured me on the front page for the skyscraper downtown which she already happen to know.She wasn't doing bad herself.She said she was one major columnist on the Daily,3 articles a week,one of them is always a gossip,one is always life-saving,.....shit,the other one beauty and stuff,the prom queen sharing her secrets,hey but who's got time for that and money for the expensive annual subscription.Why would anybody wanna waste an yearly 400$ just for 3 columns a week?7 years gives a lot to catch up and conduct a conversation without being awkward,gives a space for other stuffs to butt-in when you are terrified in your heart she might any time now turn the conversation towards realtionships in the past 7 years and I might have to answer that none of them even were half as good as only watching her from a distant in the high school hallway lockers.Thank god she didn't have time for that.It was awkward enough managing the talk as it is,someone swings by to join you and asks the most difficult question,WHO IS THIS?

Ok,breathe,breathe slowly,ya breathing,that's the key.Ok.Now what was that?Right.Who is she?Its a difficult one.Who is she?really?Let's start with friends.Friends?Naaah?She's definitely not friend.There's a korean guy 7 blocks down the street.I don't know his name but he serves me coffee,Latte a non decaf and smiles at me every morning while he does that.He is a friend.She,I'm afraid is most definitely not a friend.Ok.That's alright.How about an ex?Ex?Ok.That reminds me.........not?To be an ex you should actually be in love,and I don't recall that happening ever.I do recall us talking to each other the whole night,going to a few dates together,maybe a second base once.Dammit!No.I was never her boyfriend.She never saw me that way.I was that man friend who she talked about her other relationships,maybe to get a male perspectives.What an irony,the guy who never manage to make one effective conversation with an all time crush was giving suggestions about her relationships.Ok,now,that's too cruel.She was in love with me too.Its just she never told me because I never told her.What?Ya,please,let me believe that.That's what got me through all these years.Technically,we were never in love.We were just two people who liked but never told each other.Or worse,who were madly in love with each other but never spoke their hearts,at least me.Ok,then,not a friend not an ex.What then?How about 'you know just someone I know?'Sounds better,you do know her.Tall,fair skin,blonde hair,blue eyes,favourite colour Navy blue,sign-Sagitarius,Birthday 3rd June,favourite movie-say anything,favourite book-Love in the time of Cholera,Favorite Actor-Sean Connery,(Hello Moneypenny),Favorite band-the beatles,favorite song-And I loved her.Seems like after all these year I do know her.But do I really know her?If I'd known her I'd have asked her to stay.I know she'd stay.She knew with my mom and her condition.I'd have to choose my mom and she'd completely understand.She'd brought that over time and again when there was too much turmoil and melancholy in the words and the air,when we'd just stare into each other and let the evening slowly pass by us.Yes,she had brought it in her eyes,numerous times,she had told her from her hard,'please just once,only once,ask me to stay and I will'.Her eyes told very loudly that yes,just say 'will....?'and I'll complete that with 'yes,I'll stay.I'll stay as much as you'd like me to stay.,even in the Airport,she wanted me to.But no,I didn't ask her.All these years I convinced myself I couldn't.Her eyes as always told me to ask,My words never broke out,eyes were too busy pouring out.And so the evenings kept passing just like they used to,until she left and after a few very very lonely evenings,so did my mother leaving me with more very very lonely evenings.I didn't even know myself because if I had I'd have believed in myself and asked her to stay.What could have happened?Worse.She'd have left.She did anyway.If I'd asked and she left,I'd have had my heart broken.It did anyway.So,I don't know her.Stranger?No?She wasn't a stranger.A stranger is someone you meet on a train,or share a table in a cafe while having some coffee.7 years she lived with me,right here,in my heart,never away for a miniature second,she was with me when I decided to finally move on after 3 years she and my mom left and started considering dating.She was right in my heart when I almost married someone,she was with me when I went to the inaugural of the 'scraper alone.She had been with me all the way along.She is definitely not a stranger.She can be many more things,but she will never be a stranger.Who then?It was becoming stressfully difficult to ascertain who she was.The kind of history we shared didn't fit into any of the relationship profile.She wasn't somebody close too.Somebody close don't bail out on you for 7 years and accidentally meet you in a party.They call,they share,they keep company.I didn't do that either.But I wasn't claiming to be somebody close to her as well on that matter.Hard as it already was,on top of that this puzzle of who was like to me?We were just two people who shared some memory,just not as short term as your neighbor next door whom you forcefully push a 'sup?to when sharing an elevator.We'd be on each other's memory for a long time,maybe we could be the last thing that we'd probably remember while wasting our last breaths.Yeah,that's it,we're two people who were never meant to be together.

By the time I analysed the dynamics of our relationship,this particular gentleman who shoved this very troublesome question into our throats has already pass by giving each of enough time to choke on it just to realize that we'd been painted awkward all over our faces when it came to the finish.Its always a good thing when to sum things up.While we were plating our food,she remined me of my disorder when we reached this particular fish.After all these years she still remembered it.Ok,for her too,we were two people who were never meant to be together.

As it was not enough awkward for one evening,when we were about to leave I had this pityface of having to let her get away again,so close,yet,so far,and she had 'ask me fool,all I need for you is to ask me,do it,just once,open your mouth,and I'll follow you to the end of time,no questions asked,I just want to know you do too,' on her eyes like that drop of tear that she held back all these years,I know she did because she is that one toughest person I'd ever known,right on the edge of her eye,maybe which she cleared after I found my way nowhere because every step I took was away from where I should have gone.