"Who is the most quoted author in the English Language?"
Cruel smart-aleck that I was, I began the festivities with a gem:

"Mr. Ibid." I say
Unsure if I was serious and flawed mentally she ignored my answer and moved on to her next question.

"Who was Hamlets father?"

"Mr. Eggs" I said in my cheeriest voice.

"What is your name" she asked in her most demanding voice.
"Mr. Op. Cit." I chimed in.

I am now in front of the class at her most serious request, as she tried to make my humiliation an object lesson for the entire class.

"Mr. ah, Hicks it is, tell the class what you know about Shakespeare, perhaps we can all learn from you, since you are so very verbal."

I am quick witted so my response: "Well I know one thing for sure, he is still dead."

Even she had to laugh.

She said "Tell us then the story of Julius Caesar, one of Shakespeares most famous plays. What is the plot of that play?"

She thought she had me.

I thought she had me.

It was a tense moment but I offered up:

"The plot of Julius Caesar is that Caesar went to meet some friends at the capital and they tricked, killed him and each one of them claimed the other ones had done it. Just like junior high food fights in the cafeteria."

"Go on." she prompted. I did and only later did I realize she had tricked me in getting everyone else to accept her.

She had become my ventriloquist and I was the dummy.
And her hair didn't change color at all.

Sigh.