The Quickest Way Down

Author © Scott D. Zachary

My little business, Eloquent Systems, percolated from a travel trailer nestled in the backwoods of the Ozark Mountains during the summer of 1998. From there, I negotiated to unite my one-man software company with Pick Systems, a multi-billion-dollar software conglomerate. Pick Systems occupied a beehive of office buildings in bustling Irvine (a suburb of Los Angeles). I sought to recruit their help in marketing my boat manufacturing and accounting software package that I had developed using their Pick programming language and database. My system, officially trademarked as Thrust Manufacturing and Accounting System, was a perfect fit for Pick Systems’ recent marketing campaign to move into vertical software markets, such as boat manufacturing.

One of Pick Systems’ top technical wizards, Leo Bauer, flew down from Chicago to the Ozark Mountains of Arkansas to investigate my ERP (enterprise resource planning) system for boat manufacturers. I had spent four 10-hour days demonstrating my 467,000 lines of programming code comprising 452 menu options to Leo.

“What do you think, Leo?”

“In all my years of experience, I have never seen some of the powerful functionality that you’ve implemented in your software. You’ve redefined ‘user-friendly.’ Your development tools are incredibly fast—I’d wager on you in a race against any two, or even three, programmers using any other development toolset. They wouldn’t see you cross the finish line, Scott. You should be proud of this superb accomplishment.”

Kathy Dossett, the office manager at my client, Kenner Boats, gave Leo a tour of their manufacturing plant that Friday morning. Kathy explained how my software had enabled them to streamline every aspect of their operations. Leo was dazzled, and he said so.

Pick Systems’ top salesman, Ryan Mulholland, flew in from Los Angeles to meet with us Friday afternoon. As Ryan sat down at my picnic table, he looked around at the forested wilderness. “If my boss could see where I am, he would fire me on the spot.”

“This isn’t at all what it looks like on the surface, Ryan,” rebuffed Leo.

“I’m listening,” said Ryan.

“We’ve got a winner here in Scott’s ERP system.”

After further discussion, Ryan and I signed the statement of intent governing the overall terms of our business arrangement, which thrilled me beyond description. Ryan spelled out how he planned to organize a telemarketing team specifically for the Thrust System, and then he dashed away to Los Angeles.

Was I drumming the band, or what?

After Ryan left, Leo, my girlfriend Mary, and I drove to my favorite swimming hole at Flat Rock State Park.

       “I’m not much of a swimmer,” Leo commented. “I’d rather wade along the shore, Scott.”

I chuckled. “I wasn’t either until I nearly drowned two years ago trying to swim thirty yards.”

Leo scrunched his forehead.

“I spent that summer training right here at Flat Rock to swim three miles up that channel in one go.”

“Did you do it?”

“Sure did. Remind me to show you the newspaper article when we get back to my trailer. That was the best party I ever swam to.”

I dove in, swam out into the channel, and breast-stroked past a vertical cliff on the other side of the lake. I rolled over onto my back and noticed a man sitting near the edge of the precipice about fifty feet up. During the three months that I had trained here for my three-mile swim from Flat Rock to Piney Bay, I watched numerous people jump from where he was sitting.

“Are you gonna jump?!” I hollered.

“I’m thinking about it. You?!”

“Sure, why not!” I had NOT considered jumping that day. On some previous visits to Flat Rock, I tried to summon the courage to climb up there and jump. I always chickened out.

I swam over to the cliff, climbed the steep path that skirted to the top, and sat next to that man who was contemplating the quickest way down. “So, what’s inspiring you to jump?” I queried.

“My little girl Molly is my inspiration. And now that I’m up here, I have to do it because Molly is watching from the other side of the lake. She’d be disappointed if I don’t jump.”

We sat there on the rocks staring at all that air.

“And you?”

“It sounded like a good idea from down there,” I equivocated.

After some intense internal debate, “This is going to sound as though I’m talking to you,” I announced to my fellow would-be jumper, “but I will actually be coaching myself into leaping out into all that empty space in front of us.”

I proceeded to verbally seek the appropriate logic (or illogic) that would persuade me into taking the plunge. I don’t recall the initial utterance of my soliloquy, but the final words that seduced me are still firmly riveted in my prefrontal cortex. They came from a popular country and western song of that time: “You can quit drinking and quit smoking, you can attend aerobics classes, you can diet, and you can quit eating meat, but you’re still gonna die.”

I stood, stepped back several paces, bellowed Tarzanically “Ahhh-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ahhhhh,” and sprinted past my fellow daredevil out into midair. About ten feet horizontally away from that cliff, I hung there—fifty feet above the water—for what seemed like an impossible amount of time. In fact, I had enough motionless time to look back at that man, look down at the water, and look back at him again before it registered in my mind what I’d done. I clawed the air all the way down in a frantic attempt to climb back up.

I splashed down and bobbed to the surface. Jubilating, “…but not today! I’m still alive! I finally did it!”

Emboldened by my example, my co-conspirator stood, shook his head, and cannonballed off the cliff. KERPLUNK!!! The water geysered. My jumping comrade and I beamed victorious smiles as we high-fived. Molly, Mary, Leo, and everyone else over at Flat Rock Park cheered. We casually breast-stroked toward our adoring throng of spectators.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The following week, I flew out to Pick Systems’ software conference at the Hyatt Regency Hotel on Huntington Beach to firm up the details of my arrangement with Ryan. Leo had bragged on my software to the Vice President of Software Development who pulled me aside during their big gala dinner. The VP offered me a top software management position working in Irvine. I turned him down. I wanted no part of their rat race. Besides, my sparkle spotlighted the marketing of my software package, Thrust.

A few days later, I spent the last of my money on a laptop computer and an airline ticket to Pensacola, Florida. Ryan met me there, and we drove out to a custom yacht builder where I demonstrated the Thrust System. Their Office and Production Managers were thrilled with Thrust’s functionality. Their confidence soared, knowing that a multi-billion-dollar company like Pick Systems was behind the system. I listened as Ryan—elegant, handsome, and polished—applied his convincingly smooth sales pitch. The price that Ryan quoted them seemed astronomical to me, but they quickly accepted his offer. Ryan told them that he would FedEx the agreement to them for their signature within the week from Los Angeles.

That afternoon, Ryan treated me to my first ride on a jet ski at a nearby beach. He and I zoomed around each other on Pensacola Bay, rocketing off the waves. With each vault, I staked my claim to the top of the world! The thousands of hours of pouring my heart into Thrust Manufacturing and Accounting System was finally going to pay off BIG!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I returned to Lamar, Arkansas, jubilant! I emailed Ryan to work out the details of installing my software at our new client’s site once the sales contract is signed. Ryan informed me that Pick Systems had been bought out. The new Board of Directors mandated that ALL projects not currently turning a profit are terminated immediately without further consideration.

I had plunked all of my cash into this merger with Pick Systems.

THAT is the quickest way down.