My Aunts reminisce about the old days and their childhood, hating their name, adoption, sibling jealousy, baby sister, and forgiveness in 1930.
The Story of Baby Allie Pearl
Nearly 70 years had gone by since Clare was born, and we sat around the table in my sister’s kitchen that night, with my Aunt Clare and my Aunt Fay, talking about those days back in the 30’s. The occasion was the death and funeral of another of my favorite aunts, their sister Sallie, who was older than Clare and Fay. Clara Bell (or Clare as we all called her now) was 69 years old then and Fay was 75.
My Aunt Clare always hated her name. She was one year older than me, so we were more like cousins. Her given name was Clara Bell Goode. She had her name changed when she grew up. That is how much she hated her name. She was one of seven Goode sisters, my mother’s baby sister. In fact she was only one month old, when my mother secretly married my father in May of 1931. Then I was born 10 months later in 1932. My mother was the oldest in that family, and she was only 19 years old in a family with 11 kids. When I was born 10 months later, Clare was not even one year old.Clare said, “You know I hated my name. When I went to Floresville years ago to get my birth certificate, they didn’t have any name on it! There was just a blank there where the name was supposed to be. You see, I hated my name all those years, and I thought to my self that now I get to do something about that!” “So I named myself Clare Belinda! I really liked that name, and that is what I put on my birth certificate. I don’t know why Mama named me Clara Bell. Someone said she named me after Aunt Clara.
”We all sat there, quietly thinking about what she had said. Aunt Fay, her face lined and her white hair a little tousled said quietly, “I always called you Clara Bell” - Clare, taller than Fay and a fiercely independent woman with a thick shock of gray hair that had always been thick and curly, turned to her and said angrily, “I know you did, Fay, but I never did like it!”
Aunt Fay, hunched over in her chair clutching her cup of coffee, said defensively and timidly, “Well…I don’t care!”
“I know you don’t, Fay! Didn’t nobody care! All everyone ever said was ‘Here comes Clara Bell the Cow’. Everybody always called me ‘Clara Bell the Cow”, she said with a frown.
She went on thoughtfully, “You know I always thought maybe I was adopted. Why would any mother name her own kid Clara Bell? You know, one day I was sitting at the table sopping up syrup with biscuits. Mama was at the sewing machine. For some reason I was bawling and squalling and said something about how no one liked me cause I was adopted”.
“You see”, she said, “I always felt so mistreated cause they always made me take out the trash. I was the youngest you see. I thought I was so overworked. In those days people said they always made the adopted kids do all the work in the house. So I thought I was being treated really bad cause I had these chores to do”.
Clare turned to us all and said, “Finally Mama had enough of my squalling and stood up from the sewing machine, walked over to the table and shook her finger in my face, and said ‘Listen here, young’un! I had 10 kids before I had you. Why in God’s name would I want to go out and adopt another one?”
After we all quit laughing at that, I said, “Did that settle it for you?”
“Oh yeah,” said Clare, “I knew I must be hers and Daddy’s. I felt a lot better after that and it didn’t bother me no more! And later on everyone kept telling me how spoiled I was!”
Fay spoke up, “Oh yes, you was real spoiled. Everyone always spoiled you. I remember before you was born, and my little sister Allie Pearl got real sick and died. After she died you came along."
"You see, I loved that baby", Fay said with tears in her eyes, " I was about five or six years old, and I treated her like she was my baby, my little doll. But when she died, all I knew was they went and put her in the ground and I couldn’t understand why they went and did that. I was just devastated.”
Turning to Clare, she said, “Then you was born, and I didn’t want you. I just couldn’t understand why they went and put Allie Pearl in the ground and went and got you. They went and got another baby for Mama, and there was my baby, Allie Pearl up there in Coleman, in the ground.”
“So that’s why you always treated me so bad!” exclaimed Clare. “You were so mean to me!”
“I know,” said Fay, “When no one was looking I would always bite your little finger and make you cry. Gosh, I’m sorry I did that”.
Clare said, “You know I never did understand why you always treated me that way. Now I know. I understand” There was silence around the table again.
“Will you forgive me?” asked Fay in a soft voice.
“Yes, I do”, said Clare. “You know I can always handle anything, when I understand why it happened”.
Fay spoke up, “I’m sorry. I always resented you because you weren’t Allie Pearl. I just couldn’t understand, being a little girl and all. I know they probably told me that she went to heaven, but a little six-year-old girl just can’t understand that. All I knew was they put her in that ground and covered her up."
“You know”, said Fay, “I quit resenting you when I got older, and I really loved you and was so happy to have you for my sister. I remember how people would come by to visit and you always wanted to go home with them. I was always so scared you was going to leave. I would start crying because I didn’t want you to go away. I guess I thought you would go away and not come back, like Allie Pearl did."
That night my two aunts sat and talked about those days and understanding came to them about why they had felt the way they had back then. Through all the talking and reminiscing came understanding, forgiveness, healing and a reinforcement of love. In those two hours the resentment, bitterness, pain, hurt, grief and sadness all dissipated. It had taken nearly 70 years, but in the place of those things were peace, joy and understanding.
Later on Aunt Fay turned to Clare and laughed delightedly, “I feel so much better, don’t you?”
It's never too late for forgiveness. Why parents name their children names that will cause them trouble? My mother had a classmate named, Ossie Marie Krye. And, she married a man named Neuman. Their son was in my class, Alfred [E.] Neuman. I had a secretary named Elsie. She fought with her weight and hated her name. My helper is Daisey doesn't like her name either.
Some folks never get to reconcile their differences or air their grievances. Your aunts got to do just that by reminiscing and dredging painful memories of the past at a funeral. Your story preserved this breakthrough.
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