As a dedicated conservative, I hereby announce my unswerving loyalty to each of the following objectives for which I intend to expend my energies in seeking their realization or their continuation:
I will support any tax reduction on the very wealthy until they are all reduced to zero.
I will proclaim that all budget deficits resulting from said tax cuts are the fault of the misguided policies of democrats.
I will forever blame the poor, the handicapped, the disabled, children, immigrants and the aged for their circumstances, and I promise to never support any legislation that seeks to put a safety net under them that is paid for in any way by my wealthy benefactors.
I will seek to eliminate any and all legislation, oversight, or governmental intervention that in any way impedes businesses and corporations from acting freely in the marketplace to accomplish any objective they desire—any time, any place, any where.
I will blame all chaos, cheating, stealing, lying, confusion, obstructionism, criminal behavior and any other form of deceitful conduct that arises in the marketplace on the democrats, and I will so inform the media and their representatives of same any time I have the opportunity to do so.
I will support any law that gives my party a political advantage whether by gerrymandering, by creating voting obstructionism, by massive deportations, or by putting up more roadblocks to immigration.
I believe in American exceptionalism and I will promote it by supporting any war, against any foe, actual or potential, and for any reason, actual or potential. The nuclear option is my number one choice of action, followed by carpet bombing.
I will work tirelessly in seeking to repeal Obamacare, Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, food stamps, aid to dependent children, and tax credits for anyone.
I will oppose any law that acknowledges climate change, while supporting all fossil fuel consumption until their sources are all gone.
I will never support any research and development efforts that seek to find renewable clean, energy sources.
I will oppose any legislation proposed by democrats, and I will support closing down the U.S. government to achieve this end.
I believe that conservatives, alone, have the insight and Heaven’s guidance about women’s reproductive organs and I will support any and all legislation that denies them any voice about such issues.
I will support only candidates for the Supreme Court who vow allegiance to these objectives.
"They know not what they do," but you do. And so do most people.
I would suggest that money will trickle down to those in need. All they have to do is get out there and get those trickle-down jobs so promised. And I know that a thousand points of light will take care of the rest. It always does.
WEIRD RHODY is a short story collection featuring five strange tales all set in Rhode Island and written by five Rhode Island authors. The anthology is a tribute to H.P. Lovecraft, the Ocean State's famed author of pulp horror.
Chris has been fostered at the Crowley boot camp since he turned seven. At sixteen, he is finally ready to run away because his foster father is an abusive person who works Chris and the other children to the point of exhaustion. All he has left of h
