It was a beautiful, sunny day outside, and Pinkie Pie was happily trotting around in the meadows. She had the day off from the bakery at which she worked, so she had plenty of time to herself until tomorrow. She loved her job, but she loved having fun even more, so she enjoyed every day that she didn't have to work to the fullest.
Pinkie stopped in her tracks when she saw a flower field in the meadow that she was in. A huge smile forming on her face, the playful pink pony galloped over to the flowers, crouched, and then leapt into them, landing safely onto the ground. She rolled around for a little bit, laughing joyfully to herself as she was surrounded by the pretty flowers.
Then Pinkie looked up at one of the flowers that had caught her eye. It looked like a yellow lily, but was a much larger size than the ones she had seen before. Getting back onto her hooves, Pinkie bent over to the lily, closed her eyes, and took a few sniffs. The first few were small and quick, but the last one was a large, deep sniff that practically sucked the stamens on the flower toward her nostrils. This forceful inhale was enough to get some pollen into her nostrils.
Pinkie immediately tilted her neck back to its normal position as her eyes widened, and her irises shrunk until they could barely be seen. A huge chill ran down her spine as her snout froze for a second, and then began to shiver. Her nostrils began to flare up as her eyes closed halfway and her breath hitched. She was going to sneeze.
"Aaaaah... Aaaaaaaaaah...!" Pinkie Pie took a couple of inhales, tilting her neck backward as she did so. She wasn't allergic to pollen, but her nose was pretty sensitive. Her eyes squeezed shut as she tilted her neck as far back as possible, not realizing as her front hooves left the ground for a brief moment. "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH--!"
"CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Pinkie shot her neck forwards as she released the sneeze, which was strong enough to blow herself backwards. As forceful as the sneeze was, it actually felt great to release, and the relief that followed it just made it even better. She landed safely on the ground after she had propelled her body a few feet away from that flower.
Catching her breath quickly, Pinkie sat up and rubbed her nose with her front hoof. She sniffled a couple of times as she did, hoping it would satisfy her nose even more.
"Phew! I haven't sneezed like that in ages!" Pinkie commented. "What's in that flower, sneezing powder?"
Suddenly, she froze, a thought having occurred to her. She had just remembered a time where she and her friend Rainbow Dash had used a sneezing powder prank on Rarity. All they did then was put some sneezing powder on some flowers and leave those flowers by her doorstep. When Rarity went to sniff the flowers, she instead sniffed the powder, causing her to sneeze from it.
However, Pinkie then remembered someone else she knew - Lumpy. The first time they had met, he had a small sneezing fit due to the pollen in the air, and explained that he was allergic to said pollen. He also mentioned that his nose was extremely sensitive; Pinkie could remember exactly what he said, perfectly.
"My nose is really sensitive and ticklish. Pretty much anything can make me sneeze," Lumpy had said to Pinkie Pie.
Shortly after this single quote had sunk in, a hilarious idea came to Pinkie's mind. What if she put sneezing powder on some flowers, like the lily she had just sneezed from, and gave them to Lumpy? He'd definitely sneeze, but she didn't know what he'd sneeze more from - the powder itself, or his allergies. But she loved this idea, and given who she was, it wouldn't be that surprising for her to pull a prank like this.
Pinkie trotted back over to the flower field and tried to find the lily that she had sniffed and sneezed from earlier. To her surprise, there wasn't only one yellow lily in this area, but around ten or more of them. Each one appeared to have a layer of pollen coating the stamens, although Pinkie Pie couldn't tell if the pollen was there or not. But either way, she saw this as her chance.
She got out a large basket and started picking as many of the lilies as she could find. She tried not to use her teeth for this action, lest she accidentally get more pollen up her nose. Once the basket was filled to the brim with the flowers, Pinkie grabbed the handle of the basket with her teeth and trotted back to town.
Once she had made it, Pinkie found a shed where she had kept the objects that she'd use for pranks. As quickly as she could, she went in there and shut the door behind her, hoping that no one had seen her. She wanted to keep this prank a secret, mostly to surprise Lumpy.
Pinkie Pie took the lilies out of the basket, and bundled the flowers together to make a bouquet. Once she had gotten it just right, she grabbed a can of sneezing powder and poured it all over the flowers. Before she did so, she put a clothespin on her nostrils so that she wouldn't get any powder up her nose. She wasn't really against sneezing, but she always tried to avoid doing it at the wrong moment, even if doing so wouldn't be much of a big deal.
Soon, with the can empty and the flowers saturated with sneezing powder, Pinkie poked her head out from the shed's door and looked around for Lumpy. To her surprise, she saw him walking by. Knowing that she had reached the right time, Pinkie removed the clothespin from her nose and grabbed the powder-coated flowers. She hid the flowers behind her mane, but made sure to do so in a way that would both hide the flowers from Lumpy's view, and keep any of the sneezing powder from spilling out.
Now ready and willing to put her prank into action, Pinkie Pie trotted out of the shed as she headed up to Lumpy. She approached him from the front, so he saw her coming.
"Hi, Lumpy!" she greeted him immediately. She acted like she didn't suspect a thing, but that was so Lumpy wouldn't know what she was really up to.
"Oh, hi, Pinkie," Lumpy greeted her in return. "How you doing?"
"I'm feeling great!" Pinkie said. "And I've got a surprise for you, too!"
"Really? What is it?" Lumpy sounded intrigued.
Pinkie giggled at his question. "If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, silly!"
"Oh..." Lumpy sounded a little embarrassed.
"But that's okay. I was planning on giving it to you now anyway!" Pinkie went on. "Close your eyes and hold out your hand..."
"Okay!" Lumpy immediately covered his eyes with one hand and held out the other.
Pinkie smiled mischievously and reached behind her mane. She felt the flowers, pulled them out of her hair and placed them right into Lumpy's hand.
"Okay, you can look now!" she said.
Lumpy removed his hand from his eyes and looked down, only to see the flowers that Pinkie had given him. He saw her back up a few steps, but was too distracted with the flowers to point it out.
"Oh, my gosh! You gave me flowers?! They're beautiful!" Lumpy said. He knew he had allergies, but sometimes chose to ignore them. "Thank you so much, Pinkie!"
"I bet you they smell great! Why don't you give 'em a sniff?" Pinkie suggested.
"Sure. What could possibly go wrong?" Lumpy didn't notice the pink powder coating the flowers he was holding. Either he was completely clueless, or he was just that stupid.
Lumpy held the flowers in his hands, raised them to the end of his nose and gave the biggest sniff he could. Right then, a good amount of sneezing powder made it right into his nose, bringing with them a rather large number of pollen particles. Surprisingly, however, Lumpy didn't react until he had finished taking this sniff.
It was at that point that he cringed, his eyes widened and his pupils shrunk dramatically. His nostrils cringed and reddened as an extremely strong urge to sneeze arose. His entire nose felt itchy, from top to bottom, as the two powders that he had inhaled effortlessly tickled the insides of his nostrils.
"What the--?! OH NO!!!" Lumpy knew full well that he was going to sneeze, but he didn't expect the urge to be THIS bad! His nostrils started to flare up constantly, and his snout twitched. His breath started to hitch as he tilted his neck back slightly. "Aaaaah... Aaaaaaaahhhhh..."
Pinkie Pie stood where she was, watching Lumpy gear up for his sneeze. She would've been worried, but since she had intended to make him sneeze, she simply pressed her hoof to her mouth as she tried not to laugh instead. Besides, watching him build up for a sneeze like this, rather than seeing him sneeze immediately, was kind of amusing in itself.
"AaaaaaaaaAAH... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH...!!" Lumpy tilted his neck back even more, snout quivering and nostrils flaring in perfect unison. As he inhaled, he dropped the bouquet of flowers that he was holding in his hands. And when he tilted his neck back, the sneezing powder and pollen slipped deeper into his nose until they reached the most sensitive parts, at the back of his sinuses. There was no doubt about it, he was going to sneeze!
Lumpy shot his neck forwards as he released the sneeze. It was incredibly loud, and fired a good amount of saliva from his mouth. A small amount of mucus spurted out of his nostrils as well. And the moment Pinkie Pie heard the sneeze, she jumped into the air, having been caught off-guard. She would have laughed, but that sneeze was much, MUCH bigger and louder than she would've liked.
Lumpy really wanted to rub his nose after this sneeze, but despite it being a much more gigantic sneeze than he usually let out, his nose still wasn't satisfied. It continued to quiver, itch and beg for more relief. There was only one thing Lumpy could do about this: let another sneeze out. He was pretty sure he would sneeze again, anyway.
This next sneeze wasn't exactly as huge as the one before it, but it was just as loud and just as messy. He could feel more spray and mucus exploding out of his mouth and nose. A good amount of sneezing powder and pollen was still in his nose, and some of both stuck to the mucus that was constantly accumulating inside. As though his own bodily fluids were sentient, Lumpy reacted immediately by entering a sneezing fit. His nose felt like he could sneeze for over thirty minutes straight!
All five of the sneezes in the fit had their share of spray and mucus, but the last one was arguably the messiest. They managed to expel the powder and pollen from Lumpy's nose, and help him stop sneezing. But by the time he had finished with his fit, his nostrils had turned a deep red and were dripping with mucus. How could one look at him and not assume he was coming down with something?
Completely breathless, Lumpy raised his forefinger to his nostrils and rubbed them repeatedly. He sniffled a few times as he did, with every sniffle sounding pretty wet. He looked up at Pinkie Pie, who was looking completely shocked from hearing him sneeze so much. She had never seen anyone sneeze THAT messily before!
"Oh, my gosh! Lumpy, are you okay?!" Pinkie asked, sounding concerned.
"*sniff* Yeah, I'b fide..." Lumpy sounded unwell as he said that, but not counting his exceptionally runny nose, he was telling the truth. "Ughhh... but I dod't feel so good..."
"Sweet Celestia! I'm so very, very sorry!" Pinkie sounded like she was on the verge of tears, since she figured that Lumpy was mad at her. "It was just a joke! I wanted to have some fun!"
"You mead..." Lumpy gestured to the flowers on the ground. "You put subthidg od those flowers so that they'd bake be sdeeze a lot?"
"...yes. I put sneezing powder on them." Pinkie sounded completely guilty. "I pulled a prank like this before, but I wanted to try it on you and see how it'd turn out! And I sure didn't expect that! I'm really sorry! Will you ever forgive me?!" She managed to get her reasoning out in just a few seconds.
"It's okay, Pidkie." Lumpy knew that Pinkie would be involved, so he wasn't mad at her at all. "I dew you were godda do that..." He sniffled again. "But by dose doesd't feel so good..."
Feeling bad for him, Pinkie reached behind her, pulled out a tissue and offered it to Lumpy.
"Here, you can have this," she said.
"Thadks." Lumpy took the tissue and held it to his nose, but just feeling the tissue rub against his nostrils made them tickle, causing them to flare up again. He just had to sneeze again, right at that moment!
"AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Lumpy released the sneeze right into the tissue he was holding. This sneeze was smaller than any of the other sneezes in the fit, but it was just as forceful, and a good amount of mucus fired out of his nose. Pinkie Pie could see the tissue fluttering in the air as he sneezed.
The moment after Lumpy had finished letting the sneeze out, he immediately blew his nose into the tissue. He had already cleared his nose slightly with the sneeze, but he wanted to clear it even more. Maybe it'd help him feel better.
"Wow! Bless you, Lumpy!" Pinkie said.
Shortly after this, Lumpy started wiping his nose with the tissue, sniffling several times as he did.
"Thadk you," he said. "But please, do me a favor ad dod't use that sdeezing powder on me agaid."
"I won't, I promise!" Pinkie said.
"Thadks." With that, Lumpy simply walked away, continuing to wipe his nose with the tissue. Pinkie Pie stayed where she was, still feeling bad for Lumpy. She had seen him sneeze before, but she never suspected him to sneeze as much as the sneezing powder-coated flowers had made him, let alone that messily...
Pinkie had to make sure that the next time she wanted to pull a prank on Lumpy, she wouldn't go as far as she did. Or maybe she would find a different, less harmful way to make him sneeze, like tickling his nose with her tail or something. She could have done that instead; it would have at least been slightly better than pollen and sneezing powder. As much as she liked playing jokes on others, especially her friends, nothing could be worse than seeing them when they were completely miserable!
Thirteen Sick Tasteless Classics, Part II is adult literature featuring adult language and situations that satirizes thirteen famous novellas and short stories. It is Jay Dubya's sixteenth ebook.
