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2018 Thanksgiving Thankful List by Tom Garrison
Friday, November 23, 2018
Not rated by the Author.
Each November. I compose a “Thanksgiving Thankful List” for the preceding year. My wife, Deb, and I enjoy our life in red rock southern Utah and have many things for which we are thankful. I hope sharing them brings a smile and acknowledgement that even the seldom thought of can be a source of thankfulness. Below is my 2018 list.
1. I’m glad condiments now come in squeezable plastic bottles. Those of us of a certain age remember when ketchup came in a tall skinny round bottle with a small opening. After opening the bottle and storing it in the refrigerator for a few days, the ketchup became the consistency of thick mud. You’d grab the bottle and attempt to pour some on your burger or French fries, only a trickle, if any, comes forth. Frustrated, you smack the bottom of the bottle. Inevitably a glob of ketchup the size of Wyoming plops out smothering your burger. The squeezable plastic bottle allows for precise condiment measurement. Bravo to another modern miracle.
2. I’m thankful for trees. They use carbon dioxide (CO2) for photosynthesis and growth. In return our woody friends produce oxygen, shade, fruit, monkey bars for our cats Bob and Molly, resting places for birds, etc. I’ve become a tree hugger in my old age. Excuse me while I go hug one of the 11 trees (Deb and I planted all of them) on our ¼ acre property.
3. I’m very grateful for the guys and gals who build and maintain waste sewage plants and the systems feeding those plants. Not the most glamorous of jobs, but essential. There are approximately 330 million people living in the United States. Without waste sewage systems we would just about literally be walking around knee deep in shit. Not my cup of tea.
4. I’m thankful for blonde libertarian jokes. In our age of political correctness, identity politics, blah, blah, it is virtually impossible to be humorous without insulting some snowflake. I am a libertarian and when I had more than a little hair it was blondish. I love telling jokes that poke fun at my tribe, I believe that is still acceptable. So, why did the blonde libertarian tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? She did not want to wake the sleeping pills.
5. I am thankful that neutrinos have almost no mass. They are born from radioactive decays, such as in nuclear reactors, the cores of stars, and supernova explosions. They interact with almost nothing—normal matter, gravity. Trillions of the almost massless little buggers pass through our bodies each second. If neutrinos weren’t the closest thing to massless, we would all be walking around looking like swiss cheese.
6. I grew up with and still love rock n’ roll music. Can anyone not start playing air guitar when Mick and the boys (Rolling Stones) belt out “Street Fighting Man” or begin bouncing around upon hearing the Peter Gunn intro to “Planet Clair” by the B-52s? My interest in music pretty much ended in the mid-1980s. But this was well past the advent of New Wave with the B-52s, the Talking Heads, Devo, Blondie and many others who carried on the rocker tradition with some innovative riffs. I’m sure my occasional cranking up some classic rock n’ roll to an ear-splitting level has something to do with my refusal to age gracefully (and maybe something to do with my neighbors throwing rocks at me). I am thankful for these groups and individuals for sharing their genius and turning up the volume.
7. The average American household spends around $2,500 per year on entertainment. Deb and I consider ourselves pretty average, but probably spend a lot less than that due to the near constant entertainment we receive from our four-legged furry family members—Bob and Molly. It’s like a continual variety show—they talk to us with witty repartee for cats, they often play tag, and their acrobatic and contortionist skills outshine the best in any circus. Deb and I are very grateful for our feline family members.
I hope everyone recalls the many things, obvious and not so obvious, to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
1. I’m glad condiments now come in squeezable plastic bottles. Those of us of a certain age remember when ketchup came in a tall skinny round bottle with a small opening. After opening the bottle and storing it in the refrigerator for a few days, the ketchup became the consistency of thick mud. You’d grab the bottle and attempt to pour some on your burger or French fries, only a trickle, if any, comes forth. Frustrated, you smack the bottom of the bottle. Inevitably a glob of ketchup the size of Wyoming plops out smothering your burger. The squeezable plastic bottle allows for precise condiment measurement. Bravo to another modern miracle.
