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Stephen W. Pollard

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Member Since: Nov, 2007

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     My latest short story series entry "Will Fame And Love Return / Saturday January 20, 2007" finds Rick Randolph being visited by his friend Martin Karre who has brought with him paperwork to be signed to finalize the annulment of his marriage that was requested by his soon to be ex wife singer Alicia Reynolds.

 

WILL FAME AND LOVE RETURN

 

WHEN IT ALL COMES CRASHING DOWN

 

Elk Neck, Maryland

Saturday January 20, 2007

 

It was a cold, cloudy and rainy winter day, the fog had drifted in and was filtering through the tall pine trees. A perfect day for what was to occur. Rick Randolph had received a phone call from Martin Karre, that he was coming by to deliver the annulment papers for Rick to sign.

 

When the door bell rang, Rick went to open the door and saw Martin standing at the doorstep and let him inside. After greeting one another Martin pulled a manilla envelope out of his briefcase and gave it to Rick.

 

Opening up the envelope, Rick pulled the annulment papers out and Martin said sadly, “I guess the weather is fitting with the situation”. Rick answered, “yes, very much so”. Starting to read the paperwork, Rick said “it does indeed, to the point where it’s actually difficult to describe”. Then going back to scanning over the paperwork, Rick asked, “OK, now where do I sign off on this” and Martin pointed out which pages that Rick was suppose to sign. Getting out a pen, Rick proceeded to sign the various pages that needed his signature.

 

Martin Karre started saying, “yes, I do realize how difficult this is for you and I sympathize with you”. Rich Randolph answered, “this whole situation is just so surreal, the more that I think it through about the whole situation the more questions that it creates, one has to wonder what was on her mind and just what was it that triggered everything to transpire”. Martin Karre responded “you know, my wife, Dianne and I were talking about just that and both of us concluded that how could Alicia burn all of her bridges and push away everything that had been a part of her life, that somewhere down the line she is going to regret what she did, because of the path she has chosen.

 

Rick said to Martin, “and what kind of jail time is she going to be handed with from the aftermath of the damage from the fighting and the ensuing riot”. Martin responded, “she will probably serve some jail time and I heard something that because up until now she has had an explementary record, that she might have to serve a sentence of a couple of months, then will be paroled and serve the rest of her sentence under house arrest, that her parents have requested that she serve the rest of her time at her parents house in Broomall, PA, that they will be in charge of keeping an eye on her ro make sure that she doesn’t get into anymore trouble in order to clear her name”.

 

Rick finished signing the annulment papers and handed them back to Martin. Rick said “what a way to end a relationship”. Martin responded by saying “yeah, that’s exactly what Dianne said to me”, to which Martin took the papers, put them back in the manilla envelope then put the papers back into the briefcase, shut it closed and then turned around to get ready to leave. Opening the door Martin turned around and said to Rick, “we will be in touch” and turned toward the door, walked out to his car and drove off into the foggy soup of a day.


  (C) 2021

 

 

 

 

 

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Reviewed by Sandie May Joyce (Sandie Angel) 5/1/2021
Hi Stephen:

This chapter could have been shortened and many extra words could have been deleted, making the sentences more direct. Direct sentences without any twists and turns are more favorable to the readers when they read them.

Say, for instance: You don't really have to specify Rick knew who was at the door. Just say "Someone rang the doorbell (since Rick has not opened the door yet, he couldn't possibly determine it was Martin Karre at the door). Even in a story, you'll need to write it as the events unfold in front of your eyes. Project yourself as if you were watching a movie. Someone is knocking at the door, but the person who is inside the house would not know who it was at the door.

Just say "The doorbell rang and Rick opened the door to find Martin Karre at the doorstep. Martin came in, greeted everyone, and proceeded to pull out some documents from a manila envelope. "Now, let's get to the point," he began by saying.

You cannot make him say "Let's get to the point" before he even shows the documents to others. If he wants others to get to the point he must/should have something to show to others first; otherwise, no one would know what point it was that he was referring to.

Well, the above is just my own opinion. I hope you'll like it.

Sandie

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