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Stephen W. Pollard

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Member Since: Nov, 2007

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     In my latest short story entry series "Will Fame And Love Return / Wednesday August 8, 2007" finds Rick Randolph receiving clearance from the team doctor to be reactivated and return to his spot in the Clippers lineup.

Later Rick calls his dad Gerald to tell him the good news.

 

Will Fame And Love Return 

 

The Long Road Back

 

Chesapeake Harbor Stadium

Baltimore, Maryland

Wednesday August 8, 2007

 

Rick Randolph was sitting in the stadium medical suite, having been examined by the Clippers team Doctor Dennis Donaldson.

 

The team doctor was very satisfied with Rick’s recuperation and was explaining to him his findings that he had observed and the prognosis that he came up with. Doctor Donaldson said to Rick that he had recuperated well enough and that he was being cleared to rejoin the Clippers and could return and resume play when the team returns home and begins their home series with the Indianapolis Racers.

 

The one scenario that concerned Doctor Donaldson the most was that when someone experiences a severe concussion, such as the one that Rick was the recipient of, that whether it is an average person or a world class athlete, even though a person recovers, they will still have lingering effects from it down the road and that it will diminish an athletes on field performance and there will be struggles to regain the level of play that they were once accustomed to, especially when they were a dominant player. 

 

After being told that, Rick Randolph said to Doctor Donaldson that he understood and was willing to persevere through the problems that the concussion had created, that he was willing to work through them and eventually overcome the after effects.

 

After arriving back at the hotel suite, Rick decided to call his dad, Gerald. Clicking the speed dial on the phone for his dad, it started ringing, then Gerald answered it saying “Hello son, what’s up”. Rick said ‘Hello dad, I just returned from my appointment session with Doctor Donaldson”. Gerald Randolph said, “Well, I hope that it’s good news”. “Yes, indeed it is” Rick responded, “I was cleared to return to the lineup and will be starting in Friday night’s game against the Indianapolis Racers”.

 

Gerald Randolph responded by saying, “Even though I am in deep with preseason training camp with the Washington Continentals, your mom and myself will be there to cheer you on”. “Well, I will see you both, then”, Rick replied. And with that both father and son said their goodbyes, and both shut off their phones.

 



(C)  2021

 

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Reviewed by Sandie May Joyce (Sandie Angel) 6/19/2021
Hi Stephen:

A good chapter, but I feel there is a lot of repetitions. This whole chapter is summed up as:

"Rick went to see the team's doctor who told him he has recuperated well enough to return to the game. Rick was happy and as soon as he got back to the hotel he called his dad to let him know the good news."

This has been your storyline for this chapter.

Please remember not to have repetitions of the same topic. When an opportunity comes up calling for some dialogues, then add in the dialogues to avoid repetitions. (You had that opportunity when Rick was in the doctor's office) Too many repetitions become a chapter of mumble-jumble.

When Rick called his dad, just say he called his dad. You don't have to say he clicked on the phone to call his dad. Everyone (your readers) would know he would have to press a button or something to call his dad. DO NOT use unnecessary words to describe a simple action which your readers would already know, just say he called his dad.

You could go like this - Rick was so excited. When he got back to the hotel he immediately called his dad to convey the good news.

"Hello, dad..."

Okay, the above is just my opinion.

Sandie

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