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Stephen W. Pollard

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     In my latest short story series entry "Will Fame And Love Return / Friday August 31, 2007" finds Rick Randolph receiving a phone call from his friend Martin Karre who tells Rick the business plans of Alicia Reynolds parents Fred and Carolyn Reynolds who are purchasing a large tract of land to create an entertainment complex in order to keep their daughter Alicia from getting into anymore trouble.

 

Will Fame And Love Return


The Long Road Back


Inner Harbor Suites

Friday August 31, 2007


It was the Friday morning before the Labor Day weekend holiday. Rick Randolph was drinking his 2nd cup of coffee. His cell phone started ringing and looking down at the caller ID saw that it was Martin Karre.


Rick answered the phone saying hello. Martin Karre said, “Hope that I did not wake you up”. “Nope, just having my coffee”, Rick replied.


Marin said, “I’m not sure that you have heard or read the news”.  Rick replied “No, but I am sure that it concerns Alicia and the Reynolds family”. “Yes, indeed it does” replied Martin.


Martin Karre continued, “The Reynolds, Scott’s and Gannon families are purchasing a large area of vacant land along the Keystone Governor’s Parkway in Broomall for the purpose of building and creating a winery, entertainment performing center and hotel complex. The purpose of all of this is to give Alicia a place to entertain, so that she does not have to travel too much and to keep her from getting in trouble, especially the casino hotels like the American Oasis properties, since their board of directors voted to ban her from not just performing , but she is not allowed on any of their entertainment of hotel properties, especially in Las Vegas, Atlantic City, Long Island or just about any other place or venue the company owns”.




All Rick could say was “wow”, then Rick added, “Yes, having lived in the Broomall area, I know exactly where the site is located, it’s a great area for those type of facilities”.


After thinking about it for a moment, Rick said, “So all 3 families and relatives are going to be involved in the running of these operations”. “Yes, indeed”, Martin replied.


Then Marin said, “This goes along with the recording studio and company. They have lined up Alicia, Mark Davidson, Ashleigh Gannon and that new group the Keystone Melodies who are a spinoff from Keystone Bay. Plus they purchased farm land in Newtown Square for the growing and production of grapes and other fruits for their own brand of wines eventually. Plus, the families purchased the Mid County Country Club and Golf Course. So all of these singers and the recording company better start producing a beneficial monetary return”.


Rick replied “All of this to prevent Alicia from getting into trouble, being banned from any more entertainment properties or venue’s and avoiding being sentenced and serving jail time”.


Martin said. “Yes”. Then he added, “The straw that broke the camels back was when Alicia demanded an annulment of y’all’s marriage. The Reynolds hold it against Alicia, and even though Fred and Carolyn Reynolds may have had those plans on the back burner for awhile, but the events of the last year have accelerated those plans.


Martin then said, “Enough with all of that, I want to hear a progress report from you. So how is the comeback really going, as I understand it, Bill Falstaf is vert concerned over your poor batting and fielding, and I heard that sportscaster Russ Adams is saying that you’re finished as a baseball player, which really annoyed Bill Falstaf, and of course Bill would like you back in Philly”.


Rick sorely responded, “Yeah, Russ Adams has never liked me or Phil Falstasf, and will say anything to get under our skin and be a thorn in our sides”.


Then Rick said, “You just don’t recover from a severe concussion that quickly. Soon the season will be over and I can rest and relax over the off season and the coming winter and be ready for spring training and the 2008 baseball season”.


And with that both Rick and Martin said their goodbyes for now and ended the phone call.

 

 

(C)  2021


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Reviewed by Sandie May Joyce (Sandie Angel) 7/4/2021
Hi Stephen:

Do you remember my suggestion to you that when there are just two people between a conversation you won't need to tell the readers on every dialogue who is saying it? Just keep the back and forth conversation going and only once in a while you tell who said it by introducing the person at the end of the dialogue, NOT in the beginning. For example, ".........," said Martin.

Another thing that we, writers, need to remember is that we mustn't put too much unnecessary details into the story that the readers don't need to know. To do this perhaps we should Write up in advance the main purpose of each chapter on a piece of paper so that when we write the chapter we can just focus on delivering the purpose of the chapter. Any small detail that doesn't serve a purpose one way or another to the story should be struck out. I thnk before we write the small details we should just ask ourselves... Do the readers need to know this? Does it matter whether or not I write this out? Will this change the purpose of this chapter one way or another? If all answers are NO, then perhaps we should not put that into the story.

Sentences that are too short we must find some ways to link them together. For example, your first and second paragraphs may have gone this way:

It was on a Friday, the day before the Labour Day weekend, when Rick's phone rang, he was just about to have his second cup of coffee.

"Hello!" Rick responded.

"Hey, Rick! Good morning! It's me, Martin! Did I wake you up?" He sounded happy and excited.

"Hi, Martin!" Rick responded, "No, as a matter of fact, I'm into my second cup of coffee already. What's up?"

"Are you ready for some good news?"

"ALWAYS!" Rick answered, he was wide awake now, wondering what it was all about.

"Well...... " (here you relay the good news)

You will have to add more zest to the conversation when the news is considered good news.

Again, the above is just my own opinion and suggestion.

Sandie

P.S. Ahhh!!! So sorry, Stephen! I first read your chapter about the good news that both Michael's and Daniel's song went up to number one on the chart, and then I came here and read this chapter after. Somehow, I wanted to place a review on the chapter that talked about their song being number one on the chart, but mistakenly placed my review to you on this chapter. My comments on how the story should have been written still stay the same though, even though there wasn't a lot of good news in this chapter. You may apply my comments to the other chapter that has the good news in it.

Sorry, my bad! I do apologize for the mix-up of the two chapters!

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