An extremely overweight woman in her middle 40's frankly talks about the implications with being morbidly overweight and the problems it causes her. She is forced to live in low-income housing because nobody wants to hire her. She was laid off her last job, and ever since, she has had trouble finding a job.
Author's Note: The anger this woman feels is very real. Please excuse the profanity in this, but if you read her story, you may come to understand why she is so angry and frustrated.
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It's a fucking shame I have to live this way. I am only trying to better myself and my life, and nobody is willing to give me a second glance.
It's because I happen to be fat. Okay, FAT. Is there a problem with being FAT? I often wonder about this because ever since I gained all this excess weight (I am diabetic, and I also have rheumatoid arthritis; and it's so fucking hard to try to get exercise when I can't even bend over half of the time!), all I have been met with is resistance by other people, especially when I have been busting my ass looking for a fucking job! But instead of discussing my job qualifications, they are more interested in discussing my weight or my health problems; and that royally pisses me off BIG TIME! i am applying for SECRETARIAL WORK, not for a modeling job, for chrissakes! And I don't see why my weight has to be such a "big" issue with everybody I come into contact with!!
I lost my last job because the company I was working for laid off a bunch of people, and I happened to be one of those who were laid off; and ever since, I have been looking..but haven't found anything. It's been a year, and now all I get in the way of money is disability. And that is hardly enough to cover my monthly bills, let alone, my personal needs, like food and shit. I live in a low-income housing project, and the neighborhood I live in is riddled with crime; and I am honestly scared for my very life. I am afraid I am going to get mugged, raped, or worse!
I am 5'1" tall, and I weigh over 450 pounds. It is such a struggle to walk without being in some sort of pain; and it doesn't take long for me to get out of breath. I also have sores busting open on my legs; and yet I can't get to a doctor "because I happen to have a pre-existing condition" (so they say, meaning the insurance creeps), and medical care right now is so fucking expensive; it's no wonder I haven't gotten my legs taken care of! In addition, I have asthma, and I sleep with my inhaler in my hand, for fear that I am gonna' have an attack; or I am always afraid that I won't wake up in the morning.
I sleep downstairs in the kitchen (my bed is there; I can't make it up or down the stairs), and I am virtually a prisoner in my own home until I go out looking for work; and then that isn't any longer than two hours, max, because I am so winded by the time I get done. And I am fucking tired of dealing with the fucking job corps, telling me to "lose some of that weight" and shit. I HAVE tried to lose the weight; but each time I have tried, I haven't been able to: my matabolism is zilch. I HAVEN'T any matabolism! That's IT! END OF STATEMENT!
I also am tired of everyone staring at me. Don't think I don't hear bratty kids laughing at me or telling their parents to "look at the fat lady; is she from a circus?", or hearing grown people my age or even older sniggering or making derivative comments behind my back? Don't they think that I don't have ears in my head, let alone, a brain? Don't they know just what they are doing, and the damage it is doing to my self-esteem? Well, I may be fat, and I may be poor, but I am a PERSON, and I demand to be treated like a decent human being instead of like a fucking freak show attraction! I didn't ask to become this way; it just happened, and I am sick and tired of all the bullshit I must put up with each and every day!
So, whenever you see me on the street, I beg of you to do one thing: stay the hell out of my way because I am tired of dealing with the stares and comments; and I am tired of just dealing with people in general! Try to imagine what it would be like to be in my situation; I bet you wouldn't like it ONE bit! Or, better yet, wear one of those fat suits for a day; then you MIGHT have some idea of just what people like me have to endure each and every day!
I may be gross to you, and I may appear to be "ugly", but I AM A PERSON TOO, just like you are; and I DEMAND respect and compassion instead of all the bullshit!
WOW!! i can so relate to this so much; even though i am not morbidly obese, i am "overweight," all I want to know is over WHOSE weight! very emotional, intense, angry write. i can understand her anger. very good write; maybe this should be read by all members of society; making fun of large people ISN'T funny! many of them don't choose to live like that. thank you for sharing this! (((HUGS))) and love, your twin, karla. :(
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