Anniversary Darkness

I’ll leave behind the white cane and dog.

I’ll leave behind the Save Democracy signs.

I’ll leave behind any cheating or peeking.

I’ll shuffle clean the deck..

All day I’ll pace my walk

With my eyes wide gray

And my ears deep silence.

Women in protest will march for E. Jean Carroll

With their womanly wears bared proudly.

Funny hats galore worn.

It will feel like New Year’s Eve awaiting the big drop.

With a gorilla walking about.

It will feel like a Halloween party.

I’ll shoulder between hundreds of solitudes

Eyes cast downward as I mutter “forgive me.”

Yes…

There’ll be missing children of the headlines,

One or two maniacs and their sweethearts,

A striped suit with breath ala garlic

Smiling wildly as he presses his cold pocket watch to my ear,

In my other,

His wheezing whispered laughter.

The memories…

Yesterday’s sweetheart,

Oh, how the lines in your hands foretold the future,

Your feet knew so well the past.

Somewhere around here I played “keep your eye on the cups a-sliding

Leaving my pocket bare of marriage power,

Now of pocket fuzz only.

Alas…

A few minutes to closing time

In a rarely frequented sky-high matrimonial stage,

My sweetheart bride will stand waiting for me,

Wearing white lace and flower crown like my grandmother.

So windy this construction site towering on stilts of iron.

Forty stories up I will tightrope the iron beam,

Carefully walking to the very end of it,

My waving arms outstretched like an eagle for balance,

As gusts rise from the Hudson River below.

Over there…

The George Washington Bridge,

It’s glistening supports like an archer’s bow extended.

As Riker’s Island, where death is a daily hymn awaiting Satan’s choice.

Oh, unnamed bride destined to save me

Walking in high heels toward me on the precarious girder

Please open your tightly closed eyes,

For the pigeons will snatch your veil

Just as your white-gloved hand reaches for mine.

“NOT NOW”

This is no time to wake.

Bad dreams repeat

Repeat

Repeat.