“Hey there!!!” a gruff voice shreds the inner stillness shrouding its occupant.
“What the hades! Well, I’ll be a bedridden S.O.B! If it aint ol’ Jinx… thanks for that ‘shatter the night’ intro; now, I’ll have to change my depends. Boy, you sure have an uncanny knack for showing up at a bad time; or anytime,” he mutters to himself. “You can’t stay long, I hope… ah-hum,” clearing his throat; “My nurse will be here soon to give me a bath n’ massage my feet. I especially wouldn’t want you to see my large endowment… Ah-hum.’
“Nice to see you to Scroto. Do you Mind if I come in and visit for a few minutes? I was just on my way to the cafeteria and the notion slapped me in the face… I should stop in and rehash ol’ times with Scroto. But I guess it’s just another jive move on my part.
“Yep, that’s you all right, Jinx. Just another off-beat spur-of-the-moment decision coupled with a lack of good judgment. Hades bells, rehash old times ya say, yeah let’s do that! I’ll start n’ you can chime in when I’m done.”
“Say, Jinx, remember the time you left me to die out in the middle of nowhere?” Ah-hmm… cough and spit.
“Yeah, I remember how we went on a long hike up around Farber Lake, in upstate NY…”
“Do you mind, I said wait till I finish, then you can say your peace, Jinx!”
“Now, where was I?” Ah-hmm, coughing up phlegm. “Ahh yes, the lake… n’ out of nowhere a black bear cub straggled out from under a pile of dead limbs onto our path just a few feet in front of me. I saw it at first n’ yelled, let’s get the frig outa of here! That’s the last time I saw your ugly backside as you high-tailed it as fast as humanly possible without ever looking back. My foot got snagged on a bulging root as I turned to scramble, n’ down I went. I… ahh, don’t recall everything the clearest…but, the ear-defining snarl, the growl, her teeth tearing into my leg, I yelled for you, but to no avail. That mother bear dragged me for fifty yards snorting the whole way. I just knew if that black mamba was able to drag me back to her den, I would be a goner. I decided I was not gonna be her or the cubs'' next meal. I frigging knew if I were to survive, I would have to tear away, even if it meant losing my leg. As luck would have it, I floundered for my hunting knife… slicing my numb leg off at the knee joint as the she-devil continued dragging my severed limb towards her den as her one-legged meal… while the two cubs played tug of war with my freshly removed extremity. But I thwarted her plans for an easy meal as I twisted n’ rolled down the embankment into the water. I used my belt as a tourniquet n’ wiggled underneath an ol’ upside-down wooden boat for protection. After a few minutes or so, I’m guessing, I passed out. I awoke when I heard someone talking up on that path, So I yelled, help! Hey, I’m under this frigging ol’ boat, can you help me?”
Somebody, I don’t remember their name or their face, but they saved my life. Said they were fishing n’ saw the blood trail on the path; also said I was lucky because the bear’s den was close by, n’ I would surely have been a goner. Well, I’m getting sleepy now, if you got something to say, say it quick, Jinx.
“Everything you stated is right on the money, Scroto, and I’m so very sorry for all the mental anguish you have gone through these thirty-plus years. All I can say is I’m glad I’m not you! I’m going to leave now, so you can continue to fondle your large endowment.” So, with that being said, Jinx released the brakes on his wheelchair, spun it around, and headed down the hall to his room, the placard above his door read, ‘The Bear’s Den.’
The end
