“How am I ever going to make it
without you?” Paul sobbed. “Just take it one day at a
time
*~*One Day At A Time*~*
By: Sarah Tagert
Hannah Stevens knew it wasn’t quite time for her yearly pap
smear, but she had a feeling something wasn’t right.
After struggling with it for over a week she gave in and
made an appointment, knowing full well what to expect.
She had been seeing a gynecologist for quite some time,
since she was eighteen. For most women there was nothing
they dreaded more than this test. Not that it was all that painful, just embarrassing and somewhat degrading.
As Hannah was preparing for the test the next day, she
realized that the results might be something she wasn’t
prepared to face. “I’ll just have to take this one day at a
time, that’s all I can do” she told herself as she climbed
into her car. As she was locking the car at the
office her butterflies kicked into high gear. Once in the
office she signed in and then settled into a chair and
flipped though a six-month-old issue of “People”
magazine. Not too long after she arrived at the office
she heard the front door open, and then someone filled
the chair next to her. She didn’t even look up to see who
was next to her until a hand covered her’s. “ I just
couldn’t stay away, knowing you would be going
though this”. The voice was that of her husband Paul.
She was glad he came. She had wanted him to be at her
side, and hadn’t been able to find the right words to ask. When Hannah was called to the room, Paul waited outside for her to undress and put on a gown. Several nurses asked him if he was ok, as he was shifting from foot to foot and
drumming his fingers on the near by wall. After several
minutes the nurse poked her head out the door and
informed Paul he could come in. When he entered he
found Hannah already on the table.
He immediately went to her and took her hand. Not
long after the doctor entered and after a brief
conversation took her place to begin the test. Hannah
could hear the nurse preparing the tools that the doctor
would be using. She could also hear the doctor washing
her hands. When the doctor took her place at the foot of
the table, she knew they were ready to start. Dr
Harrison warned Hannah about the pressure she would
feel while the test was happening and then started
her work. It wasn’t long before the pressure started to
build. Hannah squeezed Paul’s hand tighter as the time
went by. After what
seemed five minutes the pressure was gone. Dr. Harrison
handed the instrument to the nurse and helped Hannah
into a sitting position. “Why don’t we step out and let
you get dressed, then we will talk” Dr Harrison said
as she ushered Paul out into the hall. When Hannah was
once again dressed Dr Harrison came to talk to the anxious
couple “ I didn’t see anything to worry about during your exam but we won’t know about the Pap Smear for about a
week. For now, I would say you have nothing to worry
about, so don’t worry. As they were leaving the office
the receptionist told them she would call with her
results as soon as they came in.
The week passed very slowly for Hannah. By Friday she
was so upset she couldn’t sit still and nearly came out of
her skin every time the phone rang. Around about two
o’clock Hannah decided to walk out and get the mail.
When she returned Paul was just Hanging up the phone.
The look on his face told her everything. “The test came back with suspicious cells. Dr Harrison scheduled a biopsy for in the morning”. Hannah was so overcome , she couldn’t speak or even move. As soon as Paul realized she was frozen, he went and took her in his arms.
When they arrived at the hospital the next morning Dr
Harrison told Hannah about the procedure she would be
performing. “It’s called a cone biopsy because we will be
using a cone shaped tool to remove a small sample of
tissue for the biopsy. Thirty minutes later, after
injecting numbing medication, Dr Harrison picked up her
tools to begin. Paul insisted upon staying at his wife’s
side. Hannah could hear everything going on around
her, but couldn’t feel anything. Paul was at her side
through the whole ordeal, making sure she was as
comfortable as the situation would allow, and insuring
she stayed calm.
That night, after having take-out for dinner, Hannah
slept on the couch. Paul read the paper in his chair
while still keeping a close eye on his wife. Watching her
sleep, Paul began thinking about what he would do if he ever lost Hannah. Even the thought her being gone from his life, made him want to cry. He finally slipped quietly from the room. Going to the bedroom where he could release his feeling without waking Hannah. Once the door was secured, he fell on the bed, weeping and sobbing out his pleas to the Lord, not to take his heart and soul, his reason for existing,
away from him.
“Lord, please don’t take my wife from me, I’m not ready to let her go yet. I would just shrivel up and die if I ever lost her. I would know where to turn or what to do. She is my heart and soul, and I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if she was gone. I know I am being terribly selfish and you know better than I do. Please help me to trust you in this, and help both of us to get through this as best we can.”
The next week Hannah and Paul’s worst fears became
true . Dr Harrison confirmed that cancer had invaded all
of Hannah’s reproductive organs. The treatment would
be aggressive radiation and chemotherapy, starting next
week.
On the appointed day, Hannah entered the hospital,
Paul at her side. After being admitted Hannah was
taken to a treatment room where she was hooked up to
the drugs that would be used to kill the cancer. Time passed slowly as the I.V. bag emptied. Once all the medicine disappeared from the bags, Hannah was released and
Paul took her home where she slept on the couch. The
nausea and vomiting started about four hours later.
The chemo made her hair fall out and she began to lose
weight. Paul never cared , he thought she looked beautiful,
hair or not. At her six week check up, tests showed the
cancer was retreating, but doctors were concerned her body
would not be able to withstand the treatments. It was
decided to proceed with treatment carefully, keeping a
close eye out for any sign of trouble.
During her eighth week of treatments Hannah reached
her lowest point. She was hospitalized after Paul found
her collapsed on the living room floor. The doctors gave
little hope that she would leave the hospital. As she lay
in the bed, breathing shallow, Paul was beside her,
holding her hand. “How am I ever going to make it
without you?” Paul sobbed. “Just take it one day at a
time, God will help you and he will never leave your side”
Hannah responded weakly.
Five Years Later:
Paul watched in wonder at the little girl toddling his
way, taking her very first steps. Taking a few more
wobbling strides Amy Ling Stevens fell into her Father’s
waiting arms. Paul held her close, enjoying the feel of
the small, Korean girl in his arms. He turned when he
heard the door open and shut. In a few moments his
wife appeared in the living room doorway. Amy climbed
from Paul’s lap to toddle to her, who quickly folded her
into her arms. Since adopting Amy, she had become the
light in both their arms. From the time Hannah was
healed and later cured of her cancer, Paul vowed to
never take her or others in his life for granted. He had
done just that from that day forward. No one could ever
say that Paul took any part of his life for granted,
especially his wife and family. From her ordeal with
cancer, Hannah has also learned not to take anything
for granted but to live each day to it fullest.
nice write, sarah! glad things ended happily for hannah and her family during this scary and uncertain time! love, your friend, karen lynn in texas. (((HUGS))) to you, sarah! :)
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