The 1 to 5 ratio for large dogs is unfair to humans
MAX
Max is a Labrador Retriever that is a loving, affectionate, lovable, patient dog. He is highly intelligent, loyal, willing, and high-spirited and very lively and good-natured; he loves to play, especially in water. In addition he has an excellent, reliable, temperament and is friendly, superb with children and equable with other dogs.
Having said all that we need to get to the truth about Max.
Actually the entire first paragraph is true and most of it’s true about Max… mostly. This story is about a Max that’s going on nine year old (or more then 57 human years) and is a house dog. This Max is a Full bloodied Black Lab and probable the laziest dog known to man but has the biggest brown soulful eyes and he talks. Well talking may be the wrong term, but he does communicate very well.
Max is also a bit pigeon-toed but he loves to go on walks. Walks up steep hills are his favorite as he normally stops several times to mark his territory and usually once to poop. Max has great bladder and bowel control and a storage capacity most humans would kill to have. Max lives on a lake and its level has been known to rise by two inches after his morning pee. Max can pee on command and go to the grass (poop) anytime he comes across an area that has not been marked yet. Max on a leach is a contradiction in terms. You don’t control him rather he controls you and always the first half of a trek he pulls on the leach until your arm muscle and shoulder socket aches but on the way home your shoulder doesn’t get any rest either as you’re pulling him.
Max is no dummy. He was second in obedience class; beat out only by a tie for first between the New Guinea Singing Dog and a Miniature Australian Shepherd. He can Heal, Sit, Backup, Stay, Come, Free, poop and pee with the best of them. Ooh yes, he will also uook on command.
In Max’s youth he would run like the wind and could jump with the best as he controlled his 100 pound mass with the grace of a mountain lion. In the years Max has been on earth his jump has gone from a 24 inch vertical leap to a struggling two inches and then just at feeding times. Max has terrible table manners but he always acknowledges the bowl of chow with several yelps of glee and get out of my way there buddy, I’m hungry nudges. It has been the mystery of the ages how a dog with relatively small paws can always manage to step on or stand on your feet especially when you are bare foot. Dogs, as all four legged creatures are marvels at how they can control which legs goes where and at what speed and in what rhythm. It’s a guarantee of nature that it doesn’t make much difference if those legs are going up or down stairs, flat terrain or grassy knolls when your feet are in their proximity at least one paw will find the top of one of your feet.
In the How do you handle it category, during Prime Time TV viewing, the show you are interested in and trying hard to follow the good guys winning and the bad guys losing themes that Max will always start talking to you. Doesn’t make any differences if there are other people around are not he will always get your attention by focusing those huge brown eyes on you and speak. To you it probable sounds a lot like gargling or a swallowed bark but to Max it’s Come on… I’m hungry… I need to go potty… or I need my ears cleaned out please. The forehead may look Neanderthal but under all that fur are love, contentment, and friendship. The really sad part of all this dog chat is that you understand it, especially when he lays that large chin down in your lap or on top of your leg the same time rolling those brown eyes. That’s all well and good but Max will always blink a couple times just to make sure he gets your attention.
All animals have a personality but many can not reason. If his favorite ball gets loose and rolls all the way to the lake from his back yard he hasn’t figured out yet that every time he drops it, the ball goes to the lake only to be retrieved by wading by his master. In canine language Max is probable thinking between those Neanderthal ears; I don’t know what happen Ms. Dixie. I dropped it and it just ran away… will you please wade out those 5 meters and bring that ball back? I will try to hang on to it in the future… honest. Isn’t that what kids do to parents? A baby cries and a parent jumps. A baby looks cute and the proud parent beams as he metamorphosis into a horse to ride the kids around the room while on his hands and knees making horsy noises or simply says isn’t that cute the way he throws the food all the way across the room.
When Max is alone for more then a few minutes be prepared for some hard nose punches and a few well aimed sneezes and having your feet stepped on a few times when you come back. He deserves the attention. If I was in the same predicament I would want more out of life then having my ears rubbed ever once in a while as a passing jester of love and affection.
Max sometimes seems part human, but I got to tell you he isn’t. Humans know when other humans don’t feel good and when there are certain things one can and can not do, for example: Let’s say you come home from the hospital following a hernia operation and your doctor instructions are to take it easy. You need to take it easy because you’ve been cut on, have a mesh now inside you that is tender but Max doesn’t know that. He is just glad to see you and he is dying to give you his patented poke in the stomach then run up behind you and stick his big head between your legs all the while being friendly. Ouch.
Remember TV time? Have you ever enjoyed a bowl of ice cream during a romantic movie? Try eating the whole bowl with a fuzzy chin and large brown eyes resting on your legs? Max will clean your bowl in a heart beat along with any jelly beans or puppy biscuits that aren’t tied down. Max could be the cat fish of dry land or a canine vacuum cleaner if he had his way with food.
Max hasn’t been around many male dogs. Max is probable the only male dog anywhere that squats to pee. The only time he raises a leg is to scratch behind an ear.
Max is dragging his left hip now but you would never know he is hurting. He is always in good spirits and still walks like a lion but is actually just a real pussy cat.
I will miss Max when his time is up and I will always remember his idiosyncrasies because he loved me as much as I love him.
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